Some thoughts...... (and an update)
So, recovery I think is the hardest part about surgery. I guess surgery really brings about 2 things: the surgery itself and the recovery. Surgery is hard because you have to prepare for it, but recovery is hard to as you have to deal with pain and discomfort, and the feeling of tiredness, not feeling hungry, or the stiffness of your body. Anyway...........I'm slowly progressing. I'm eating a bit better---still just small and soft meals here and there; I'm still happy with just chicken broth and crackers. I guess it has enough calories in me to give me some energy throughout the day; but I guess my not eating my regular diet or my regular amount really has to do with pain associated with eating as well as the nausea from medication. My pain is still moderate and I'm taking medication for it which itself makes me have the Z's. Overall, I'm doing okay; slowly having more and more energy as days go by. I was able to carry on a 15 min conversation with my best friend this evening, which before it took so much energy for me to even talk to anybody.
Yesterday, my sister, brother in law, and nieces came for the day for a short visit. It was fun to see them, yet very tiring for me. I felt bad for my nieces because I didn't get to play with them like I used to; I was (and still am) very low-energied and technically I'm not suppose to be that active for 2 wks. I am not even allowed to hold the baby; but I did let her sit in my lap, which was better than nothing!
As I recover, I'm enjoying some relaxation by watching TV. Don't get me wrong, I'm not glued to it, but I get to browse the TV lineup more than I would if I weren't recovering. As I was flipping the channels trying to find something DECENT to watch (which is hard now-a-days), I ran across I think CMT and the show was "Dr. 90210". I watched for probably less than 30-60 seconds before I was disgusted and had to turn/flip the channel. The show was basically promoting plastic surgery for young ladies.....encouraging them to get "bigger breasts" or "nose job" or "tummy tuck". From the 30 sec I saw this, this lady went in to get a boob job and she came out of surgery and into recovery room where someone (assuming a friend or family member) as so excited how "good" she looked; the lady was groogy but appeared estatic; then it goes into "fast forward mode" where she's saying how happy she is with her boobs and ect and so forth.
This kind of show really breaks my heart and really in a lot of ways hurts my feelings. I don't understand why anyone in the world would actually make a decision to actually have surgery for no real medical reason. My surgery is classified as plastic surgery/reconstructive surgery. Even then, I think "is my surgery necessary?" and yet I'm reminded that for me, it's very medically necessary because if I allow the neurofibroma (my benign tumors) to grow w/o taking it out, it can cause some medical problmes. I hadn't had surgery for a good while, and the tumors had actually grown on and around my ears, nose, and cheek, so heavily that it caused my health to decline a lot over the year---I had gotten numerous sinus and ear infections (probably 7 since January of this year). The doctor had to remove these tumors because in reality, that is why I was sick a lot (not to say I won't ever get sick again). These tumors are "heavy" and as they grow, they cause my face to be pullled down. This makes my right side lower than my left; and the weight pulliing my face down is very uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So, I try not to consider my surgery as a way to look prettier because to be honest, no matter how many surgeries are done; this ordeal won't ever be completed. Because the tumors will continue to grow, chances are I will continue to need surgery for the rest of my life. I'm not saying if I had it my way I wont' have surgery because I know surgery is vital for my health and well-being. I don't like surgery----I hate the recovery peroid; I hate the pain, I hate needles, and I hate the smells of hospitals or the icky feeling in my stomach when I step into a hospital.
So, yes, it's my fault that I took that 30 sec to watch this vain tv show where young ladies are obssessed over thier looks. I feel like the world is so focused of outward beauty; I say to myself "look at me! I'll never look like you even without your new boobs or facelift or nose job!" I get so frustrated because people take vain things, make it into a tv show which in essences encourages young ladies to make themselves look like beauty queens. I know I'll never look like that with my distorted face and tumors; but I'm okay with it! I'm happy with it; I know God had a reason for everything and I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't had to go through all this ordeal and will continue to go through it. If a TV show wants to do something on plastic surgery, why can't they focus on real medical problems and the REAL need for plastic surgery (like myself) instead of parading over the need to have bigger boobs, smaller nose, face lifts, etc.......... Grrrr!!!! It's frustrating; I just wish our world will focus on the beauty within and not beauty outwardly. I don't care if you are Miss America; if your heart isn't in the right place (by that I mean a heart made after God), all the worldly beauty in the world means nothing. Besides, I know that in glory, I will have a perfect, flawless body!
ok.....just needed to vent.
Yesterday, my sister, brother in law, and nieces came for the day for a short visit. It was fun to see them, yet very tiring for me. I felt bad for my nieces because I didn't get to play with them like I used to; I was (and still am) very low-energied and technically I'm not suppose to be that active for 2 wks. I am not even allowed to hold the baby; but I did let her sit in my lap, which was better than nothing!
As I recover, I'm enjoying some relaxation by watching TV. Don't get me wrong, I'm not glued to it, but I get to browse the TV lineup more than I would if I weren't recovering. As I was flipping the channels trying to find something DECENT to watch (which is hard now-a-days), I ran across I think CMT and the show was "Dr. 90210". I watched for probably less than 30-60 seconds before I was disgusted and had to turn/flip the channel. The show was basically promoting plastic surgery for young ladies.....encouraging them to get "bigger breasts" or "nose job" or "tummy tuck". From the 30 sec I saw this, this lady went in to get a boob job and she came out of surgery and into recovery room where someone (assuming a friend or family member) as so excited how "good" she looked; the lady was groogy but appeared estatic; then it goes into "fast forward mode" where she's saying how happy she is with her boobs and ect and so forth.
This kind of show really breaks my heart and really in a lot of ways hurts my feelings. I don't understand why anyone in the world would actually make a decision to actually have surgery for no real medical reason. My surgery is classified as plastic surgery/reconstructive surgery. Even then, I think "is my surgery necessary?" and yet I'm reminded that for me, it's very medically necessary because if I allow the neurofibroma (my benign tumors) to grow w/o taking it out, it can cause some medical problmes. I hadn't had surgery for a good while, and the tumors had actually grown on and around my ears, nose, and cheek, so heavily that it caused my health to decline a lot over the year---I had gotten numerous sinus and ear infections (probably 7 since January of this year). The doctor had to remove these tumors because in reality, that is why I was sick a lot (not to say I won't ever get sick again). These tumors are "heavy" and as they grow, they cause my face to be pullled down. This makes my right side lower than my left; and the weight pulliing my face down is very uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So, I try not to consider my surgery as a way to look prettier because to be honest, no matter how many surgeries are done; this ordeal won't ever be completed. Because the tumors will continue to grow, chances are I will continue to need surgery for the rest of my life. I'm not saying if I had it my way I wont' have surgery because I know surgery is vital for my health and well-being. I don't like surgery----I hate the recovery peroid; I hate the pain, I hate needles, and I hate the smells of hospitals or the icky feeling in my stomach when I step into a hospital.
So, yes, it's my fault that I took that 30 sec to watch this vain tv show where young ladies are obssessed over thier looks. I feel like the world is so focused of outward beauty; I say to myself "look at me! I'll never look like you even without your new boobs or facelift or nose job!" I get so frustrated because people take vain things, make it into a tv show which in essences encourages young ladies to make themselves look like beauty queens. I know I'll never look like that with my distorted face and tumors; but I'm okay with it! I'm happy with it; I know God had a reason for everything and I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't had to go through all this ordeal and will continue to go through it. If a TV show wants to do something on plastic surgery, why can't they focus on real medical problems and the REAL need for plastic surgery (like myself) instead of parading over the need to have bigger boobs, smaller nose, face lifts, etc.......... Grrrr!!!! It's frustrating; I just wish our world will focus on the beauty within and not beauty outwardly. I don't care if you are Miss America; if your heart isn't in the right place (by that I mean a heart made after God), all the worldly beauty in the world means nothing. Besides, I know that in glory, I will have a perfect, flawless body!
ok.....just needed to vent.
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