A Restless Heart
On top of being sick with the stomach bug for the two days this week, I have had a week of struggles. Struggles that can appear minute to many people or huge to some. For me, it's a huge struggle. A struggle that I had once thought was behind me, but now I face again. A struggle that is in need of prayers and reliance on God.
As you all know, I once worked for a place in Harrisonburg that at first was great; then gradually declined as I saw felt the unfairness and prejudice in the workplace (among many other things which I will not go into detail). The job there was relentless......I began to dislike it so much, but at the advice of others, I pressed forward and trucked on, hoping and praying that something good will come out of it or that I will get a better job. The job affected my physical well being (lost 20 lbs), emoitonal well being (was on medication for anxiety) and spiritually well being. After 7 yrs working at the job, it was time for me to go.......I was in fact relieved although it was 6 mo before I found a new job......
........a new job that led me to where I work now: Region Ten Comm Services Board. I came into the team expecting a boss who "manages" you and that's it. I was so wrong. My manager has been the best I have ever had since any of my jobs I've had (including volunteerinig). Shelby has shown great leadership, understanding, care, enthuisism, etc as a manager. She is willing to set aside EVERYTHING to sit and talk with you no matter how late it was, no matter, what the topic was, no matter what your feelings or concerns are; she didn't push you out of the door; she made sure your needs and concerns were addressed......she is the ideal manager; and yes of course everyone has thier faults, but I think is someone I hope to become one day.
My manager has been talking for over a year about retirement but kept putting it off; so I never really took it seriously when she told me last August she was retiring in 2009. I guess I was secretly hoping it was "just a thought".
On Wednesday, she announced her official retirement date: March 18. My reaction? Deep sadness. Didn't want to hear it-----refused to believe it, but knowing it was silly to act that way; yet I congratulated her on her retiring and told her what a great manger she has been to me.
Today, we recieved word of who our new manager would be. My reaction? I felt as if I was in that job in Harrisonburg all over again; I don't want to talk ill about others, but so many people in the team, thinks that the team dynamic will not fit this manager. I've had run ins with this manager, which I will not go into detail, but let me tell you, today was a dark day for me; I was reliving my 7 yrs in my last job; I was crying out of fear and frustration; I was crying out of missing my current manager (who's not even gone yet!); I was anxious......I was......speechless.
I wondered to myself...."what is God teaching me in all of this?" I mean, I have been much healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My friends say how much happier I've been the last 2 years and how much more glow I have to my physical self. I struggle with how to react----how to deal with the situation and what to do. Do I quit so that I don't go through the same thing I had gone through before? Do I just truck on and look for new jobs? Do I just try to start fresh and forget the past? What?
I'm grateful for friends who listend to me for over an hour crying and venting about the situation and how frutrated and confused I am (and for friends who IMs me and talk to me for over and hour); I'm grateful for my bro in law who got on the computer to talk to me and to share some spiritual advice; it helps to vent; but I'm still struggle with a restless heart; I struggle with trying to see God in all this and trying not to be sinful in all of this. It's hard; it's a battle; it's wearing me down.
Please pray...........I need it
As you all know, I once worked for a place in Harrisonburg that at first was great; then gradually declined as I saw felt the unfairness and prejudice in the workplace (among many other things which I will not go into detail). The job there was relentless......I began to dislike it so much, but at the advice of others, I pressed forward and trucked on, hoping and praying that something good will come out of it or that I will get a better job. The job affected my physical well being (lost 20 lbs), emoitonal well being (was on medication for anxiety) and spiritually well being. After 7 yrs working at the job, it was time for me to go.......I was in fact relieved although it was 6 mo before I found a new job......
........a new job that led me to where I work now: Region Ten Comm Services Board. I came into the team expecting a boss who "manages" you and that's it. I was so wrong. My manager has been the best I have ever had since any of my jobs I've had (including volunteerinig). Shelby has shown great leadership, understanding, care, enthuisism, etc as a manager. She is willing to set aside EVERYTHING to sit and talk with you no matter how late it was, no matter, what the topic was, no matter what your feelings or concerns are; she didn't push you out of the door; she made sure your needs and concerns were addressed......she is the ideal manager; and yes of course everyone has thier faults, but I think is someone I hope to become one day.
My manager has been talking for over a year about retirement but kept putting it off; so I never really took it seriously when she told me last August she was retiring in 2009. I guess I was secretly hoping it was "just a thought".
On Wednesday, she announced her official retirement date: March 18. My reaction? Deep sadness. Didn't want to hear it-----refused to believe it, but knowing it was silly to act that way; yet I congratulated her on her retiring and told her what a great manger she has been to me.
Today, we recieved word of who our new manager would be. My reaction? I felt as if I was in that job in Harrisonburg all over again; I don't want to talk ill about others, but so many people in the team, thinks that the team dynamic will not fit this manager. I've had run ins with this manager, which I will not go into detail, but let me tell you, today was a dark day for me; I was reliving my 7 yrs in my last job; I was crying out of fear and frustration; I was crying out of missing my current manager (who's not even gone yet!); I was anxious......I was......speechless.
I wondered to myself...."what is God teaching me in all of this?" I mean, I have been much healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My friends say how much happier I've been the last 2 years and how much more glow I have to my physical self. I struggle with how to react----how to deal with the situation and what to do. Do I quit so that I don't go through the same thing I had gone through before? Do I just truck on and look for new jobs? Do I just try to start fresh and forget the past? What?
I'm grateful for friends who listend to me for over an hour crying and venting about the situation and how frutrated and confused I am (and for friends who IMs me and talk to me for over and hour); I'm grateful for my bro in law who got on the computer to talk to me and to share some spiritual advice; it helps to vent; but I'm still struggle with a restless heart; I struggle with trying to see God in all this and trying not to be sinful in all of this. It's hard; it's a battle; it's wearing me down.
Please pray...........I need it
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