Self-Reliance or Reliance on God?

So often, I am hammered with this question: "Am I truly relying on God or am I relying on myself or others?" This year alone has brought so many questions (and it's ONLY FEBRUARY!!). I've been sick 3 times since the beginning of the year and the stress level at work is only rising. And oh, did I mention that because of budget cuts w/in the agency (entirely have to do with the economy and state deficits), there has been numerous people laid off from work----one of which was a dear co-worker of mine?? Work is laying off peopole to help the agency's budget: they are consolidating work and workers. And...oh, to add to that, our Executive Director has announced that MORE people will be laid off between now and July; my bosses don't know who will be next..or at least they aren't saying out loud...It's like walking on a thin layer of ice---and underneath the ice is cold water. I feel like I'm drowning and freezing in a sea of emotions. I CAN'T afford to be laid off from work! (well, no one can really). I have bills to pay......Drs and Specialist I have to see several times a year! I'm worried---I'm worried-----I'm stressing (and that's not good bc that affects my physical health badly). I'm doing all I can for myself; save more money, don't spend on what you really don't need, looking for jobs,.....applying for jobs, trying not to use up any vacation time/sick time in order to make sure I have time to cover myself if I am called in for an interview.....the list goes on and on.

After a long stressful day today, I went to the gym. Working out helps me relax believe it or not. I can't give up not going to the gym or working out. It's something I like to do and would like to do more often if I have the energy and stamina. As I was in the gym and on the tredmill, I was sorting out my thoughts of how I would write an email to all my friends asking them to pray about the situation at work, pray for me so that I won't stress out and feel like I'm drowning. I was sorting what to say/how to say it in the email while running and listening to Christian music on my MP3 player (i'm not really that good of a multi-tasker, but I could do that!) I came home and ate dinner and sat w/ my NEW LAPTOP on my floor and being picking away at the keyboard; I sent it to all my dear friends who I know would really care. I called a couple of friends to ask for prayers; (ok, honestly, I vented to my friends b/c i was so frustrated with the situatin!) I told them the situation and asked for prayers for the job and for myself. That's all well and good............

then it hit me.......asking others to pray for you is fine; but you can't be self-reliant and depend on others to pray for you when I haven't fervishly knelt to my knees and asking God for strength and wisdom in all of this. It hit me: I need to rely on God: I need to really know that He's in control of the matter and that no matter what happens, it is in HIS will. That sounds tough to grasp.....but it's a truth I'm learning to lean on, not just with this job situation but w/ everything in my life. Mom reminded me that in the past when I lost my job 2 yrs ago, God worked things out. Those 5 months w/o a job was God's Will: in fact I was healthier and happier in those 5 mo before I was offered a job at Region Ten. Mom reminded me that He was there for me back then; and He will be there for me always---and esp if something should happen to my job.

I truely and fervently pray that no more layoffs would occur in our division: I LOVE my job; I love my clients and I love what I do.; yes, all jobs has it's cons but the pros in my job far exceed the cons in my job. I need to pray, and not rely on other's praying for me. I need to ask God for strength, endurance, wisdom, and most of all a belief that God's Will is to be done. Yet at the same time, I need not to think of myself only, but of others. I need to pray that my dear single mother co-worker would find a job quickly so that she can have insurance to help her daughter who gets sick a lot. I need to pray for those who needs jobs b/c they got laid off. I need to pray not just for those w/o jobs or on the verge of lay offs, but I need to pray for friends who struggle in numerous other ways. I need to be self-less, and not just think of my own predicament but understand that there are others who need the same kind of prayer that I do. I don't want to be a sour face and make it seem that I have the worse problem in the world, when that is not true!! My curent situation doesn't even cover the surface of some of the trials people I know are going through. I want to learn how to more fervently pray for myself and for others. I can't rely on others for strength, ; I need to rely on God, and know and understand that no matter what happens in my life; though it be sickness or loosing a job, God is in the midst of it all.