Not a Second Thought----A Reminder

Over the past week, I've been reminded of the graciousness of God and His Abounding Love; reminders that He has a perfect plan for me in my life. Let me start from an overview of the two things that got me thinking............

THIS PAST WEEKEND at my sister's house spending time/playing with my oldest niece.

Deda: "Yee yee/Becky, why does your other eye don't close" (talking about my right eye)
Me: Because I can't close it
Deda: Why?
Me: Well, because it won't close...I can't make it close (at this point I'm thinking "I wonder how far she's going to take this")
Deda: But why can't you close it?
Me: Well, Because God made me different; so one of the difference is I can't close my eye"
Deda: "But why, Yee yee?"
Me" God makes each of us different, so He made me different........i can't close my eye, but it doesn't bother me---I'll be okay"
Deda: "Oh, Yee yee......I'm so sorry" "But, Daddy says when we pray you have to close your eyes and you don't..........."
Me: Well, Deda...how would you know I don't close my eyes? Do you peek when daddy prays?
Deda: Um................Yee yee....I love you.

ENOUGH SAID! :)

Today at work. As a background info, we are in the midst of interviewing new CNA candidates, so our current CNA has been showing the candidates around.

April: "Becky, I want to tell you something"
Me: Ok
April: Pinky swear you won't get upset at me

ok....at this point I"m worried I have offended her or something bad is going to come about in this conversation

Me: Um.....I promise.
April: okay. So the three people I showed around seriously thought you were one of the clients we serve here
Me: (being quiet)
April: But I told them you were a great worker/teacher, etc
Me: (busted out laughing)
April: Ok that wasn't a reaction I thought you'd have
Me: Why in the world would you think I'd get upset at you for?
April: just bc I thought it was mean of them to think you were a client
Me: If i were to be upset, it wouldn't be at you; but I'm not upset so don't worry about it, don't let it bother you.
April: but it does bother me that people immediately think that just bc you look different, you are a client.
Me: I'm happy with who I am.
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You see, I don't even think twice of what people think of me......
I get two very different reactions from those around me:

1. My niece..............so many questions. How to simplify it to her is the ongoing question for myself? Same questions every time I see her. She wants to know.....she wants to understand. A four year just wants to know.....and her sympathy is deep and meaningful. Her laughter and hugs are sweet. When she thinks she can beat me at something (mainly beating me at a game of tag), she thinks it's because "i can't see well" (Although, I attributed it to the fact I can't keep up w/ an energetic 4 yr old!)

2. "New" "Uneducated People around me: (of course I'm not talking about my readers out there)---- there is not one question; not even "what do you do"............just assumptions that I have a disability/different looks; therefore I'm incapable of doing anything.

But I react the same way.....well, sort of. One way, I react as a way of trying to connect with my niece and help her understand in a way a 4 yr old can understand.. In another, I don't really care what people think about me and my looks/disability. Honestly, I kinda think it's funny. Not that I look funny or think people's reaction is funny but it's funny how people can just label someone based on what they see outwardly, not inwardly. I would gladly answer any questions about my health/looks and why I am the way I am. I rather do that then people just assume, but if they don't ask, it's really their loss. And I do understand that there are some out there who are afraid to ask or think it is priding in other people's business. But don't you think it's better to ask than assume? In a way, I think answering questions to my 4 yr old niece will be harder than answering it to an adult.

I've never let people's comments about my looks affect me to the point I get overly upset. Sure, sometimes, if people are just bluntly mean and laugh in my face, I will get upset....who wouldn't? But I don't take too much offense to those who stare......or who make assumptions.

In the past, I have viewed my looks/disability as a barrier. A barrier to my finding friends......a good job.....learning how to drive, etc. But God in His Sovereign Will has made this to actually make me stronger. To grow Closer to Him. It's is because of HIM that I don't give a "second thought". I've given a reminder of God's graciousness, love, and mercy......and a reminder that in the End....I will be perfected.