Merry-Go-Rounds and Ferris Wheels

I remember growing up and be frighten by those huge Merry Go Rounds and Ferris Wheels at theme parks or fairs or whatever. I was always afraid I would be left on and will continue to go round and round without stopping. If I was on a Ferris Wheel I would hate being the one stuck on top while they unloaded people on the bottom; I was afraid I would stay at top and never get down.

These are my feelings these past few weeks. I feel as if keep going round and round and life is not letting me get off to breathe. I feel stuck on the very top of the Ferris Wheel and will never get off. I’m stuck in life not knowing where to go or what to do. I feel stuck on the Merry Go Round where it keeps going in circles and I’m not getting anywhere too, but seeing the same thing over and over again (such as sickness, surgeries, etc); I want to get off and it seems the closer I get from getting off the faster the Merry Go Round wants to go or the more I get stuck on top of the Ferris wheel.

Life has been complicated since my surgery on February 10th. I feel like I’m spinning in circle and at times stuck on the top where I can’t get off and do anything about it. I’m struggling in PT and with shoulder motion and especially strength. I’ve always questioned “why” and wondered why everything comes at once. My Grandfather is doing worse tonight---he is throwing up blood and it seems the end is near. I can only pray his soul has found God the Savior.

I was able to speak out my frustrations with a pastor and several good / close friends of feeling like I’m spinning in circle and on a merry go round or going no where and stuck on top of the ferris wheel….and the fear I felt as a child on both rides is haunting me once again. I wish I can get off and do something. I'm finding ways to hold on when I'm stuck on the top or hold on as the merry go round keeps spinning and won't let me off; I wish I can make everything better and my life easier; I wish I can just get 100% better and not stuck on the top (meaning stuck in PT and neck therapy). But I know.....this is God. And God is there; and He won't leave me alone on the never stopping merry go round or the ferris wheel that is stuck on the top.

I’ve been encouraged greatly (by many) to seek God’s Word in prayer and in songs. I have brought Chris Tomlin’s CD “See the Morning”. One of the reasons I got it was that I wanted to have a copy of the song “Everlasting God” which has encouraged me so much over the past few weeks. One of the songs I love so much that I never heard of; when hearing it, I wept, knowing that no matter what trials come I can always sing to God in my heart, soul, and mind. Satan will never keep me from singing joy and praises.

HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SINGING
Chris Tomlin "See the Morning"

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne


I’ve been blessed; and I know this is not a forever trial; but God’s testing and God’s love for me.