Continuous Journies
As most of you know, ever since my surgery in February, it seemed as if one thing hit me one after the other. There's so much in my life right now that at this time needs to go unspoken; but no fears, my friends, I am under good care of the pastors at my church. I have been clinging to this passage in the Bible. Psm 121:
1 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
8 The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.
It has given me a sense of no matter what issues arrive and even if it does come pounding at you one after the other, I am learning to trust and keep this passage in my heart because God won't ever leave me; God is powerful and almighty and He knows what He is doing. He will always protect me no matter how lonely, stressed, broken hearted, or hurt I may feel.
I shared with a friend one day that there are days I can be surrounded by people (like church), yet feel lonely and depressed; and then there are days when I really am physically alone but feel God's loving arms around me and I'm not lonely. I also told her that I had suddenly thought of a book I read as a teenager in high school called Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. I highly recommend the book. But those who have never read it, the gist of the book is that Pilgrim is carrying a heavy load of burden (allegorically it's sin) and he wants to find his way to God. During his journey to find God, he encounters many many obstacles that hinders him from going to God, yet he remained strong and had faith that he will eventually find God in that land he was to go to. Once he got to that land of God, his "backpack"/"burden" (sin) rolled off his shoulders.
Friends, I feel that way at times. My burden is the weight of the world, stresses, dealing with death, work issues, car accidents, andesp physical ailments, etc. I find myself being stopped in the middle of the road as I try to run into God's loving arms. (as in Satan telling me lies like I am loosing faith in God or I am not His child). At times, I felt the closer I got to Him, something else will hinder me (something "bad" again comes into my life) from finishing my journey to run into God's open arms. I begin to doubt God's love and I know that these feelings is Satan trying to build a wall in between me and God; but I eventually come around after devotions and hearing the right song and reading the right words in the Bible is what gets me through the day. (May I add how awesome it is that God points you to the right passage in the Bible whenever you need to hear a particular promise! Example; today I read Psm 37 and it was just want I needed!) I'm not saying that I am joyful everyday; this trial is hard (again, I wish I could go into more detail, but for now it is to be unspoken until God helps me work through this). I still need prayers: prayers for healing (as my second opinion and new physician thinks that there might be a bicep tear which potentially could be the cause of my agonizing pain), prayers for emotional strength as I try to let go of Grandpa and come to terms of his death, mental strength as I return back to work on Monday, knowing that I will have a lot of things so far behind due, but mostly Spiritual strength that God will continue to guide me in the right direction and help me through my trials and heartaches.
I miss being on the worship team; but I feel that right now I need to heal in my heart before I do anything else for the church.
I know I'm not alone, for everyone has shown in their own way have showed their concerns; for that I'm grateful. Thank you for prayers about work; I am no longer on paid leave of absence but will be able to return on Monday. Another thing I wanted to add was that I know now God's timing is always perfect. My last 6 days of must take FMLA leave followed by my bereavement period that added extra 3 days and then 3 days of leave of absence so HR can determine if it is safe for me to return to work (although, I still am urged by my P.A. to be careful); was all worth it. I realized I really did need a "break" and take time to mourn my grandfather's death, take time to heal, and take time to really hear God in my heart. God does know what he is doing--He knows the will He has for my life. One stanza from one of the songs I love from
God Moves in a Mysterious Way by William Cowper:
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
1 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
8 The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.
It has given me a sense of no matter what issues arrive and even if it does come pounding at you one after the other, I am learning to trust and keep this passage in my heart because God won't ever leave me; God is powerful and almighty and He knows what He is doing. He will always protect me no matter how lonely, stressed, broken hearted, or hurt I may feel.
I shared with a friend one day that there are days I can be surrounded by people (like church), yet feel lonely and depressed; and then there are days when I really am physically alone but feel God's loving arms around me and I'm not lonely. I also told her that I had suddenly thought of a book I read as a teenager in high school called Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. I highly recommend the book. But those who have never read it, the gist of the book is that Pilgrim is carrying a heavy load of burden (allegorically it's sin) and he wants to find his way to God. During his journey to find God, he encounters many many obstacles that hinders him from going to God, yet he remained strong and had faith that he will eventually find God in that land he was to go to. Once he got to that land of God, his "backpack"/"burden" (sin) rolled off his shoulders.
Friends, I feel that way at times. My burden is the weight of the world, stresses, dealing with death, work issues, car accidents, andesp physical ailments, etc. I find myself being stopped in the middle of the road as I try to run into God's loving arms. (as in Satan telling me lies like I am loosing faith in God or I am not His child). At times, I felt the closer I got to Him, something else will hinder me (something "bad" again comes into my life) from finishing my journey to run into God's open arms. I begin to doubt God's love and I know that these feelings is Satan trying to build a wall in between me and God; but I eventually come around after devotions and hearing the right song and reading the right words in the Bible is what gets me through the day. (May I add how awesome it is that God points you to the right passage in the Bible whenever you need to hear a particular promise! Example; today I read Psm 37 and it was just want I needed!) I'm not saying that I am joyful everyday; this trial is hard (again, I wish I could go into more detail, but for now it is to be unspoken until God helps me work through this). I still need prayers: prayers for healing (as my second opinion and new physician thinks that there might be a bicep tear which potentially could be the cause of my agonizing pain), prayers for emotional strength as I try to let go of Grandpa and come to terms of his death, mental strength as I return back to work on Monday, knowing that I will have a lot of things so far behind due, but mostly Spiritual strength that God will continue to guide me in the right direction and help me through my trials and heartaches.
I miss being on the worship team; but I feel that right now I need to heal in my heart before I do anything else for the church.
I know I'm not alone, for everyone has shown in their own way have showed their concerns; for that I'm grateful. Thank you for prayers about work; I am no longer on paid leave of absence but will be able to return on Monday. Another thing I wanted to add was that I know now God's timing is always perfect. My last 6 days of must take FMLA leave followed by my bereavement period that added extra 3 days and then 3 days of leave of absence so HR can determine if it is safe for me to return to work (although, I still am urged by my P.A. to be careful); was all worth it. I realized I really did need a "break" and take time to mourn my grandfather's death, take time to heal, and take time to really hear God in my heart. God does know what he is doing--He knows the will He has for my life. One stanza from one of the songs I love from
God Moves in a Mysterious Way by William Cowper:
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
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