Prayers

Most of you know the struggles I have been facing over the past 8 months. It seems as if I face one physical ailment after another and honestly, I'm worn out. My energy level has never really gotten to where it once was and my weight still fluctuates as well as how I feel after eating....so on an so forth. I've been through countless testing and aside from the diagnosis of gastroperesis, the doctors aren't sure what's going on with my body; it's a puzzle for all of us.

Last week I was struggling with a lot of stomach and back pain and running a fever that my primary care doctor order a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis. She had also put me on a different antibiotic for the kidney infection i was diagnosed with a week earlier in the UVA ER. Because my symptoms was getting worse and not better, my doctor decided that a CT scan would be the best approach to figure out if there is anything else going on.

While my abdomen CT scan looked normal, my pelvis CT scan did not. They found a mass of tissue near my pelvic/uterus region. Dr. Miller, my PCP, thinks it's nothing more than just my neuroofibroma or just an extra flap of tissue. Whether or not this is the cause of why I'm sick is still not decided. To be on the safe side and because the tissue looks "different", my doctor is ordering me a pelvic ultra sound for this coming Monday. I'm scared. I'm scared as to what they will find and even if it were a neurofibroma what will the course of action be? It's not good to keep those neurofibroma growing inside because it could possible cause problems, but like I said, I'm not sure what they are going to do nor I'm not sure what this mass of tissue really is. I really dislike going through so many tests and stuff but I know how important it is. In fact, I know this won't be the last of testing since the GI docs has already told me of alternative testing they may order for the future.

I'm still in pain but the pain isn't new, it isn't worse, and it isn't better. It's the same. I still take my Vicodiin on days when I'm really struggling and if I need to have a good night's rest. I've learned to cope with this ailment and most of the time I see it as part of my "normal" daily living; but going through it isn't easy. I wish I had more energy and the ability and strength to find and work a full time job, but in all seriousness and reality, the doctors even say this really isn't ideal. There are so many decisions I have to make regarding what to do about getting employment or SSI if I'm faced with that. Right now, I work as a substitute teacher and glad for that job and really that's all I can handle for now. I'm in school and even school work keeps me busy and at times even takes all my energy away from me. Though I loved my previous job, I can remember a time that I enjoyed working so much and didn't get overly tired after a work day or suffer so much pain and anxiety after a work day. I'm learning to trust in God and His provisions and His Will I need grace. I need peace. I need prayers.