Resting in Jesus

It's past 3a.m. and I can't seem to fall asleep. I started to sing (in my head) one of my favorite songs: Jesus I am Resting, Resting. I know the lyrics by heart; and I know several versions/tunes to this song. Each tune brings it's on special meaning; but one thing never changes......We need to constantly rest and trust in Jesus. He made us who we are; we are love Jesus and rest in the fact that Jesus' love is unfailing and unfaltering.

Jesus, I am resting, resting,

In the joy of what Thou art;

I am finding out the greatness

Of Thy loving heart.

Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,

And Thy beauty fills my soul,

For by Thy transforming power,

Thou hast made me whole.

Refrain

'

Jesus, I am resting, resting,

In the joy of what Thou art;

I am finding out the greatness

Of Thy loving heart.

O, how great Thy loving kindness,

Vaster, broader than the sea!

O, how marvelous Thy goodness,

Lavished all on me!

Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd,

Know what wealth of grace is Thine,

Know Thy certainty of promise,

And have made it mine.

Refrain

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,

I behold Thee as Thou art,

And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,

Satisfies my heart;

Satisfies its deepest longings,

Meets, supplies its every need,

Compasseth me round with blessings:

Thine is love indeed!

Refrain

Ever lift Thy face upon me

As I work and wait for Thee;

Resting ’neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,

Earth’s dark shadows flee.

Brightness of my Father’s glory,

Sunshine of my Father’s face,

Keep me ever trusting, resting,

Fill me with Thy grace.

Refrain

For the past week, this song has been in my heart and soul/mind. I know this song in many different tunes and love singing it in all the tunes I know. No matter what tune I sing it in, it speaks to me in such powerful ways. The song is such an encouragement and gives me hope that no matter what goes on in my life, all my trust should rest in Jesus because He is the most powerful being. He will be there for me until I die and go to Heaven.

Last Thursday the nurse was getting me ready for surgery. She was taking my vitals and putting in an IV. My heart rate was really high and the nurse asked me if I was nervous. I told her I was somewhat nervous. She asked me how many surgeries I have had so far and I told her it was countless and that I have had so many surgeries since I was a baby. Then I told her that even though I've had so many surgeries, it doesn't get any easier. As a child i went into surgery with no concept of what could happen. Oh, I'm not scared of what could happen....I'm just nervous and it's hard to explain. (in fact, any appointments with doctors I get nervous because hospitals just give me that nervous feeling). I definitely am more aware of the risks of surgeries now that I'm older and I really don't look forward to the recovery period since that is where the pain starts. I had not have my tumors in my face removed for over 2 years and it was time again to do the routine surgery. But, yes, I was nervous.

However, as I was getting myself ready for surgery that day (putting on all my surgery gear on) in the prep room, I suddenly started to sing "Jesus I am Resting, Resting" The interesting thing is that I was singing one verse in one tune and another verse to another tune. As I was singing the song in a soft voice, I had a peace within me....a peace that I just can't describe. I was happy......I was smiling. I continued to sing the verses and reflect on the meaning of each verse. The song seemed to just cover me and freed my mind. I knew that Jesus' love will never fail me; His love covers me; I rested in the fact that His love is unfailing. I was re-assured that His love is greater than any other love I might find. I continued to sing the song in my head throughout the entire time before I was wheeled into the O.R. When I laid there on the O.R. table, monitors and everything was suck to me, oxygen was put on me, circulation boots was placed on me, and reassurance from my doctor that "everything will be fine" was told to me. I knew everything would be fine....I was thinking about the Love my God has for me. Physically I was resting on the O.R. table.........mentally and spiritually, I was resting in Jesus!

My recovery period has not been very easy. I am six days post op and still experience pain. The surgery site is near my lower part of my rt side of the face and goes behind my ear. So, I can't seem to adjust my head to a comfort position where it won't hurt and I won't feel a "stretch" because the skin is so tight and swollen right now. I also can't eat much except for very soft foods. Moving my mouth and eating is painful as well. I'm relying on pain medication and rest to feel better. Along with my post op pain, my stomach flare up continues and affects me physically as well. It's hard to function when your stomach is in pain and the surgery site is in pain as well. I find myself more tired than usual and don't have much energy.

With all this pain and low energy I sometimes feel frustrated and sad. I'm frustrated that my GI doctors can't seem to figure out why I'm having so much stomach issues, other than gastroperesis. It seems like each time I go see the GI docs I just get the same thing "we don't know what to tell you, here's a new med". It's frustrating. The pain in my stomach and my surgery site is intense sometimes. I still take my Vicodin as needed but sometimes it's so intense that the Vicodin doesn't completely take away the pain. When the pain hits, it makes me really depressed and sad. But for the last few days, each time I'm in a lot of pain, Jesus I am Resting, Resting song has come to mind. When it comes to mind, I start to sing it. I start to sing this song in my heart and it helps. Of course, it doesn't help take away the pain, but it has helped me have a better outlook on my physical situation. I know that the love of Christ will never leave me.....I just need to continually rely and REST in Jesus. I'm learning that each day will bring it's own worries, trials, etc and we do not know what they will be until we go through them. One thing remains the same that no matter what I go through, I only need to trust, rely, and REST in Jesus alone for comfort. A TRUE comfort that comes from a love that is vast and unmeasurable.....a love that only Jesus has for His children.

So, as i continue to recuperate from the surgery; as I continue to endure this chronic physical illness/pain, and as I continue to go trough a lot of frustrations, I am to REST in Jesus.....and Him alone because no matter what happens, His love far exceeds anything else. His love that will carry me through anything and everything. And until He comes and takes me Home, I am resting in who Jesus is to me and know that His plans for me far exceeds anything I desire.