Behind a frowning providence...
Wow. I had not realized it's been over 2 months since my blog update. Among my usual health battles I have been have computer issues and have been functioning a lot on my Kindle recently. I have got to admit. Kindles are nice for "on the go" and stuff but it's hard to use when you want to type a size-able email or even a short blog! I really do appreciate computers and appreciate my friend who is always willing to help work on my computer when needed. I still have some kinks to work out but it's doing much better than before.
In many ways there is really no "new developments" to report as in "good days" vs "bad days". In the past few weeks lately I have noticed that my diet has once again taken a change. I'm not sure what has brought on this new thing where pain is sharp and I get nauseated after I eat certain foods (I once was able to tolerate on a limited amount). My pcp has increased one of my medications which really helps me to be able to rest more at night but that's just about it. In all honesty, I'm really very tired of trying so much medications. Just tired. My next appointment with the Pain Clinic is in 3 weeks and I'm not looking forward to that because I know for sure it will probably just be another "let's try you on Medicine C". I'm not a huge fan of taking in so much medication. I keep praying there will be something definitive that could be found and treated.
I'm trying my best to trust God and His plans in all of this. I was recently asked by a dear friend "how do you do it? How do you have faith? Faith in WHAT?" I sat there thinking. Of course I have faith in God. I have faith, knowing His plans are not my plans nor my thoughts His thoughts. His purposes are always right, even though I don't see them right now. Sometimes I feel as if I have no faith at all because I always feel sick and I always constantly question "why is there no answer to my health issue?" I still question it, and I often wonder DOES that make my faith weaker? Then I realize, God uses circumstances, even our own, to test our faith. Do we FULLY rely on God or do we only partially rely on Him? Do we rely on Him only in time of need? or do we rely on Him every moment we take a breath of air? There is a song by William Cowper called God Moves in a Mysterious Way. I grew up learning this song, but never really "grasping and understanding" the truth and meaning to the song. One of the stanza says the following:
I have held on to these words a lot lately and I sing the words to myself over and over again and again. We don't see and we don't immediately know God's providence and will; but we shall one day soon; and when we do, we will see God's purposes are true and right. Until then, God's grace is our sufficient supply, and that is all we need.
Even through all this pain/nausea, I try to remain as much active as I can or as my body allows it. Sometimes I just can't do anything because of the nausea and because of the pain. When I do feel "okay" I enjoy those time spent with family and friends.I was able to spend some time with one of my best friends a couple of weeks ago. Keren came down from Alaska for 2 weeks and spent a week with me at the house. We enjoyed catching up and going places together. We weren't able to do all we planned on doing because of the extreme heat but just being together and catching up and talking was great. A mutual friend and I gave her a baby shower as well and that was very fun; I was so thankful that I had enough energy and my pain/nausea level was too high that it didn't affect my having fun with my friend Keren.
God continues to be gracious and good. Praise His Holy Name!
In many ways there is really no "new developments" to report as in "good days" vs "bad days". In the past few weeks lately I have noticed that my diet has once again taken a change. I'm not sure what has brought on this new thing where pain is sharp and I get nauseated after I eat certain foods (I once was able to tolerate on a limited amount). My pcp has increased one of my medications which really helps me to be able to rest more at night but that's just about it. In all honesty, I'm really very tired of trying so much medications. Just tired. My next appointment with the Pain Clinic is in 3 weeks and I'm not looking forward to that because I know for sure it will probably just be another "let's try you on Medicine C". I'm not a huge fan of taking in so much medication. I keep praying there will be something definitive that could be found and treated.
I'm trying my best to trust God and His plans in all of this. I was recently asked by a dear friend "how do you do it? How do you have faith? Faith in WHAT?" I sat there thinking. Of course I have faith in God. I have faith, knowing His plans are not my plans nor my thoughts His thoughts. His purposes are always right, even though I don't see them right now. Sometimes I feel as if I have no faith at all because I always feel sick and I always constantly question "why is there no answer to my health issue?" I still question it, and I often wonder DOES that make my faith weaker? Then I realize, God uses circumstances, even our own, to test our faith. Do we FULLY rely on God or do we only partially rely on Him? Do we rely on Him only in time of need? or do we rely on Him every moment we take a breath of air? There is a song by William Cowper called God Moves in a Mysterious Way. I grew up learning this song, but never really "grasping and understanding" the truth and meaning to the song. One of the stanza says the following:
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face. I have held on to these words a lot lately and I sing the words to myself over and over again and again. We don't see and we don't immediately know God's providence and will; but we shall one day soon; and when we do, we will see God's purposes are true and right. Until then, God's grace is our sufficient supply, and that is all we need.
Even through all this pain/nausea, I try to remain as much active as I can or as my body allows it. Sometimes I just can't do anything because of the nausea and because of the pain. When I do feel "okay" I enjoy those time spent with family and friends.I was able to spend some time with one of my best friends a couple of weeks ago. Keren came down from Alaska for 2 weeks and spent a week with me at the house. We enjoyed catching up and going places together. We weren't able to do all we planned on doing because of the extreme heat but just being together and catching up and talking was great. A mutual friend and I gave her a baby shower as well and that was very fun; I was so thankful that I had enough energy and my pain/nausea level was too high that it didn't affect my having fun with my friend Keren.
God continues to be gracious and good. Praise His Holy Name!
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