God ALWAYS Knows.....

This past Sunday was my first Sunday back on Worship team after a long 15 month sabbatical.   It was bitter sweet.   Why do I say that?  It was scary and hard for me for one thing.   I have failed to keep up with my singing so I felt very rusty and it also felt like it was my very first time on stage...the nerves set in and seeing a gazillion eyes I felt were stuck on me....I felt I sounded horrible.  Of course, we are our own worst critic.  Those months and months away from my brothers and sisters on team tore my heart into pieces.   Every Wednesdays and Sundays I felt a part of me missing.  I missed the fellowship with them and most of all I missed getting together on those practice Wednesdays where we would all practice together, but most importantly, I missed sharing time...sharing those intimate moments of our hearts where we would pray for each other.   I often wonder what I "missed" in my brothers and sisters lives.   I would often pray for them, knowing that God knows all, even though I didn't know any specifics.   At practice last Wednesday (Feb 20th), it felt so good to pour my prayer request and praise out in person (not email) to my brothers and sisters); I heard the pleas and prayers from my brothers and sisters...I felt connected....once again.    I missed that.   And although, I'm still struggling with many health issues that made me at first decide to go on sabbatical,  it was the longing for the connectivity of my brothers and sisters that I needed back.   And if I need a break again, I know that will be okay.

During the Sunday School Hour this past Sunday, I decided not to go to Sunday school and to just rest in between the services.  I was going in and out of the worship team room.  At one point, our Interim Pastor, David was in the room.  He asked me how I was doing and I honestly answered him and told him that I was still struggling a lot physically but I was trying hard to really trust in God that He would lead the doctors to find out what is going on with me.   He was encouraging me that he and the staff has been praying for me and for that I thanked him.   I was sharing with him that I savor those "good" days; and then I ended up telling him that sometimes certain people who don't understand illness can be judgmental about those people who have "good days".   I told him the story about the friend who saw me on my "good day" and commented that I should be put "in a bag and be shaken up."  I told him how hurt I was and how it made me cry and I immediately went home to call my best friend.     I've learned to not let what negative things people say bother me; because God knows what is right, how I feel, what is real, etc.   David told me that it was a good attitude to have and that he admires my faith in God and my endurance.      It's not easy.  I'm not going through this alone, guys.   Thank you all for your prayers, love, and concerns.