When I Can't Feel God....
All of us has gone through times when we feel as if our whole body goes numb due to something.
There is physical numbness. Numbing because of surgery a shot or whatever. Maybe your mouth after getting a tooth extraction or a cavity filled. I know with me I've gone through so many surgeries that the nerves where the surgery site gets cut takes a good while to regrow, and that area is somewhat numb; I can feel some, but not a lot.
Then there is emotional numbness. So much heartache and maybe accompanied with physical pain. It's a "feeling" you just can't describe, thus why you call it a "numbness". People ask me "how are you?" and all I can say is "ok, I guess". People say "are you REALLY OKAY". and all I can say "I don't know, I really can't explain how I feel."
Then, as I was reminded today, there is such thing as spiritual numbness. That numbness where you WANT to FEEL God but you can't. You want so much feel His presence but all you feel is so helpless and then you what you do (which is the WRONG thing to do), is to run the opposite direction....you run away from God instead of finding trying to find the tangible earthly representable way of feeling God. That tangible feeling is embracing the body of Christ in partaking of the bread and the wine of Christ. He's in Heaven, but He's represented to us in feeling of the bread and drinking of the cup. God's always there....right besides me, Heaven is there waiting for me. Sickness, Sorry, Pain, Death....are felt and feared no more (from On Jordon's Stormy Banks I Stand)
If you all have kept up with my blog the past week, you know my rough end of March and full April.
Not only did I loose my last grandparent (grandma), I was struggling a lot with my health. My grandmother was so dear to me and I continue to miss her. I miss my grandfather as well as April 26 was his 3rd yr anniversary of his death (which also happened to fall the same time I began to fell ill with all my physical issues). All of April I struggled to accept the illness of my grandma and then her death and her eternal state. I've also struggled with my own discouragement from my health issues and sickness (still no definitive answers why so much, but just trying different medications). I found myself in an emotional as well as in a spiritual numbness. I can tell you how I feel physical; emotionally I'm just frustrated as can be. I'm asking "why", and I just want to feel God daily and sometimes I wonder where is He. Today, I was reminded about God's grace is always there. He is there; I don't have to wait for Heaven to know He is with me.
There is physical numbness. Numbing because of surgery a shot or whatever. Maybe your mouth after getting a tooth extraction or a cavity filled. I know with me I've gone through so many surgeries that the nerves where the surgery site gets cut takes a good while to regrow, and that area is somewhat numb; I can feel some, but not a lot.
Then there is emotional numbness. So much heartache and maybe accompanied with physical pain. It's a "feeling" you just can't describe, thus why you call it a "numbness". People ask me "how are you?" and all I can say is "ok, I guess". People say "are you REALLY OKAY". and all I can say "I don't know, I really can't explain how I feel."
Then, as I was reminded today, there is such thing as spiritual numbness. That numbness where you WANT to FEEL God but you can't. You want so much feel His presence but all you feel is so helpless and then you what you do (which is the WRONG thing to do), is to run the opposite direction....you run away from God instead of finding trying to find the tangible earthly representable way of feeling God. That tangible feeling is embracing the body of Christ in partaking of the bread and the wine of Christ. He's in Heaven, but He's represented to us in feeling of the bread and drinking of the cup. God's always there....right besides me, Heaven is there waiting for me. Sickness, Sorry, Pain, Death....are felt and feared no more (from On Jordon's Stormy Banks I Stand)
If you all have kept up with my blog the past week, you know my rough end of March and full April.
Not only did I loose my last grandparent (grandma), I was struggling a lot with my health. My grandmother was so dear to me and I continue to miss her. I miss my grandfather as well as April 26 was his 3rd yr anniversary of his death (which also happened to fall the same time I began to fell ill with all my physical issues). All of April I struggled to accept the illness of my grandma and then her death and her eternal state. I've also struggled with my own discouragement from my health issues and sickness (still no definitive answers why so much, but just trying different medications). I found myself in an emotional as well as in a spiritual numbness. I can tell you how I feel physical; emotionally I'm just frustrated as can be. I'm asking "why", and I just want to feel God daily and sometimes I wonder where is He. Today, I was reminded about God's grace is always there. He is there; I don't have to wait for Heaven to know He is with me.
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