Deep Thoughts

Lately, I've struggled writing and publicizing what I have been going through, how I am feeling, or even what God is teaching me.   It's not just on this blog, it's even on Facebook status or commenting to people when I'm asked "how are you doing?" (Not that I'm going to lie or anything).   For one thing I don't want to sound like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over again, when in reality, my pain is still there.  Almost every day, the pain affects me in different levels; and I feel there are days I learn something different each day (what I can/can't handle)!   I rarely put up a status anymore saying much about myself and how I'm feeling because I don't want to seem I'm looking for sympathy; yet, what I'm really needing is a lot of prayers (maybe some cyber hugs!).  I don't want to sound discontent because I know God has a purpose and it will be made known in due time.   Those of you who tell me how much they care and who tell me how much they pray for me, means more to me that you can imagine.

A few days ago, I was listening to my iPod on my iHome while dusting/cleaning my room (to whatever extent I was able to).   I absolutely love listening to music, and because of that I have so many favorites that I couldn't decide who I wanted to listen to, so I put my iPod on "shuffle".   As I was on the chair, dusting my windows, Laura Story started to sing "Blessings".




 
These words shook my heart:
 
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
 
Sometimes, I don't feel or HEAR Him.  I don't feel He's anywhere near me, especially when I'm having one of my worse pain days; when I'm having those days that I HAVE to follow protocol to go to the E.R.,  when a test a doctor orders doesn't come back with answers, etc etc etc.....it's frustrating......no, in all honesty I'm sad, and ANGRY. I CRY, not to God, BUT out of bitterness.
 
............... then I am reminded that God does love me and knows what is best for me.   As I continued to work in my room, my iPod shuffles to a different song RIGHT AFTER "Blessings"  God knows, what He is doing for he shuffles to another Laura Story song.  This time it is "What a Savior"
 
You are the shepherd king
You lead us by still waters
Hallelujah You are Savior

You are my only hope
Your kindness is my friend
In Your presence You restore us

Jesus You are stronger
More than any other
Hallelujah what a Savior
Jesus You are higher
My soul's deepest desire
Hallelujah You are Savior
 
 With this song, beautifully sung, I was reminded again of God's never ending love and my Hope found in Him.  He is the Savior and my Desire-- no matter what bestows me or comes my way.   I'm grateful for that.     So maybe our blessings does come through raindrops,  or our healing comes through tears; but in the end God is waiting with OPEN ARMS.   Perhaps, also, God is using us or what we go through, as a blessings to others.   Only God knows.



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