When Obeying God is Tough; But Understanding "WHY" in the End, Makes Sense
Last week, specifically Tuesday and Wednesday, I was really down in the "dumps". I was extremely sad and my heart was hurting, I would find myself crying. I texted a dear friend and she was most understanding of my situation. She told me she would be praying for me. Here's my story.
I think I have mentioned at one point to some of you earlier this year about my desire to go on a mission trip to East Asia with my church. I have done all the preliminary things and was all geared up for this wonderful opportunity. It was very exciting time for me as it had been my desire for over a decade for an opportunity like this to come up. So, long story short, concerns arose due to health issues. The leaders of this trip didn't want me to spend the money and then end up my loosing the money in fear that my health issue would become worse. With prayer and obedience to God, I decided it was best for me and my health to stay here in the States. My heart was at ease with the decision, but it didn't mean I wasn't sad or disappointed. For a week or so after this decision, it was hard, but I knew it was the right choice. As you all know from those who follow my blog or follow me on FB, my health has been rough: increased pain both on my abdominal wall with nausea and increased head/neck pain. I've been to the ER twice since I've decided not to go to East Asia, and a host of many other things has come up. I continue to struggle more and more daily and truthfully, I see now, why God has lead me to make the decision not to go and though it was hard for me to obey God; I understand how necessary it was for me to stay here for my own health sake.
So, last week, was the week the team had the final meeting and geared up to leave for East Asia. I kept thinking of them; and I prayed for them. But I was also "heart" hurting too because I also still wanted to be a part of that team, heading to East Asia. I thought about their trip, thinking about what they would be doing, and how they are coping with jet lag, how are they ministering to the people, etc. I so much wanted to be there to be part of the work. I was crying. But was I crying out of selfishness? I hope not! My heart was very sad. When I texted my friend to ask her to pray for my heart, she assured me she would pray for me; but she also told me that my heart was at a grieving stage because I was mourning a loss (a trip I wasn't able to go to). I love how she cares so much and puts things so delicately.
I think of them constantly since they left and I will continue to think and pray for them until they return. I do know my place is here for now and God can use me in other ways. My prayer is that doors will continue to open in East Asia and that if it is God's will, I will be able to go one day.
I think I have mentioned at one point to some of you earlier this year about my desire to go on a mission trip to East Asia with my church. I have done all the preliminary things and was all geared up for this wonderful opportunity. It was very exciting time for me as it had been my desire for over a decade for an opportunity like this to come up. So, long story short, concerns arose due to health issues. The leaders of this trip didn't want me to spend the money and then end up my loosing the money in fear that my health issue would become worse. With prayer and obedience to God, I decided it was best for me and my health to stay here in the States. My heart was at ease with the decision, but it didn't mean I wasn't sad or disappointed. For a week or so after this decision, it was hard, but I knew it was the right choice. As you all know from those who follow my blog or follow me on FB, my health has been rough: increased pain both on my abdominal wall with nausea and increased head/neck pain. I've been to the ER twice since I've decided not to go to East Asia, and a host of many other things has come up. I continue to struggle more and more daily and truthfully, I see now, why God has lead me to make the decision not to go and though it was hard for me to obey God; I understand how necessary it was for me to stay here for my own health sake.
So, last week, was the week the team had the final meeting and geared up to leave for East Asia. I kept thinking of them; and I prayed for them. But I was also "heart" hurting too because I also still wanted to be a part of that team, heading to East Asia. I thought about their trip, thinking about what they would be doing, and how they are coping with jet lag, how are they ministering to the people, etc. I so much wanted to be there to be part of the work. I was crying. But was I crying out of selfishness? I hope not! My heart was very sad. When I texted my friend to ask her to pray for my heart, she assured me she would pray for me; but she also told me that my heart was at a grieving stage because I was mourning a loss (a trip I wasn't able to go to). I love how she cares so much and puts things so delicately.
I think of them constantly since they left and I will continue to think and pray for them until they return. I do know my place is here for now and God can use me in other ways. My prayer is that doors will continue to open in East Asia and that if it is God's will, I will be able to go one day.
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