Broken Pieces; Mending Heart
For several reason, every year ahead, March and April will never be the same for me again. I'm sure there are some of you out there who experience the same thing as I do....that something somber, sad, hurtful, heartbreaking, etc has happened on a certain month that leaves an impression on your heart that last a forever impression.
A year ago, this week, I concocted a surprise (EARLY) birthday surprise for my best friend, Gina. I purposely did this 3 weeks early because I know her well, and if it was done a few days before, she would have guessed something would have been up. I got the Slaters involved as well her brother Jonathan. I enjoyed doing this for her....it was fun to surprise her! After all the celebrations, cake, ice cream, etc, we had some fun time together just the two of us. We were about headed to bed when my cell phone rang about 10pm. My Mom called and told me that my grandmother was rushed to the ER with troubled breathing (she also had cancer and some other health issues). My heart sank. My Mom wanted me to come home the EARLY the next day, instead of going to church; we were going to make an emergency trip to NY. I was crying and crying and later decided to just drive home that night and Mom thought it was a good idea; we left the next day at 5am and got to NY around 12noon. Instead of going through the long story about our stay in NY, basically my Dad and I stayed for a few days and went home (during those time in the hospital, my parents had a hard time prying me away from my grandmother); mom stayed behind, and then on April 5, 2013 my Grandmother passed away. Sadly, none of my grandparents knows the Lord.
It's been a year and I'm still in the grieving process. This coming Monday, March 31, my folks and I are headed up to NY to pay respect of the passing of my grandmother (the first anniversary) by visiting the commentary. Of course, she is laid to rest next to my grandfather, we will do the same to my grandfather (My grandfather passed away April 25 , 2010). My paternal grandparents/great-grandparents are also and the "next door" cemetery so we will visit there as well. Most of you all know, that I was EXTREMELY close to my grandmother and I still think of her a lot and continue to grieve for her. I am experiencing a lot of anxiety the past few days (in general, I hate going to cemeteries, but since my grandmother's death, I've been having a lot more anxiety attacks). Plus with all these new health issues of pain and fatigue......it doesn't help the situation.
So, would you pray for me as we travel to NY to visit my Aunts and Uncles and Cousin and visit the cemetery of all my grandparents? Would you pray endurance as trips are rough on me physically? This is probably one of the biggest things. I have been in so much pain lately and it's been very frustrating; the intense pain has lead me to tears at some points. Would you also pray for my heart as it is fragile and is continuing to heal and mend from the past year?
This is something I have shared with Sue, a sweet friend of mine. And though this is only a millisecond of what I feel compared to what this family feels; I wanted to share it with you all as well. One of my other "March won't ever be the same" is the remembrance of a dear young man who had died unexpectedly on March 12, 2012. Ian is someone that I hope to "grow up" to be like, even though I am older than him. This dear young man with Downs Syndrome has taught so many people about unconditional love and acceptance no matter who you are, where you came from, or what you looked like. I absolutely LOVED being his special buddy.....in fact, sometimes I wonder if I signed up to be his special buddy all these years out of selfishness for my own enjoyment. It was such a dear time. Ian was my special buddy and I enjoyed him so much. I'm involved with my church with the worship team and nursery a lot more recently, and I enjoy it. I still have a grand desire to serve others with special needs. As of now, I'm focused on the once a night program my church has for parents to have a night out. Having a special buddy for now, is a bit too soon for me; I may eventually go back to having one, but right now, I am where God wants me to be.
Though there are times I feel as if my heart is broken into thousands of pieces over death, over pain, over......ANYTHING the devil can use against me, I find that one thing remains true. God's Word. God's Words and prayers is the ultimate tool to heal a heart...to mend a heart. I'm so grateful for that promise.
A year ago, this week, I concocted a surprise (EARLY) birthday surprise for my best friend, Gina. I purposely did this 3 weeks early because I know her well, and if it was done a few days before, she would have guessed something would have been up. I got the Slaters involved as well her brother Jonathan. I enjoyed doing this for her....it was fun to surprise her! After all the celebrations, cake, ice cream, etc, we had some fun time together just the two of us. We were about headed to bed when my cell phone rang about 10pm. My Mom called and told me that my grandmother was rushed to the ER with troubled breathing (she also had cancer and some other health issues). My heart sank. My Mom wanted me to come home the EARLY the next day, instead of going to church; we were going to make an emergency trip to NY. I was crying and crying and later decided to just drive home that night and Mom thought it was a good idea; we left the next day at 5am and got to NY around 12noon. Instead of going through the long story about our stay in NY, basically my Dad and I stayed for a few days and went home (during those time in the hospital, my parents had a hard time prying me away from my grandmother); mom stayed behind, and then on April 5, 2013 my Grandmother passed away. Sadly, none of my grandparents knows the Lord.
It's been a year and I'm still in the grieving process. This coming Monday, March 31, my folks and I are headed up to NY to pay respect of the passing of my grandmother (the first anniversary) by visiting the commentary. Of course, she is laid to rest next to my grandfather, we will do the same to my grandfather (My grandfather passed away April 25 , 2010). My paternal grandparents/great-grandparents are also and the "next door" cemetery so we will visit there as well. Most of you all know, that I was EXTREMELY close to my grandmother and I still think of her a lot and continue to grieve for her. I am experiencing a lot of anxiety the past few days (in general, I hate going to cemeteries, but since my grandmother's death, I've been having a lot more anxiety attacks). Plus with all these new health issues of pain and fatigue......it doesn't help the situation.
So, would you pray for me as we travel to NY to visit my Aunts and Uncles and Cousin and visit the cemetery of all my grandparents? Would you pray endurance as trips are rough on me physically? This is probably one of the biggest things. I have been in so much pain lately and it's been very frustrating; the intense pain has lead me to tears at some points. Would you also pray for my heart as it is fragile and is continuing to heal and mend from the past year?
This is something I have shared with Sue, a sweet friend of mine. And though this is only a millisecond of what I feel compared to what this family feels; I wanted to share it with you all as well. One of my other "March won't ever be the same" is the remembrance of a dear young man who had died unexpectedly on March 12, 2012. Ian is someone that I hope to "grow up" to be like, even though I am older than him. This dear young man with Downs Syndrome has taught so many people about unconditional love and acceptance no matter who you are, where you came from, or what you looked like. I absolutely LOVED being his special buddy.....in fact, sometimes I wonder if I signed up to be his special buddy all these years out of selfishness for my own enjoyment. It was such a dear time. Ian was my special buddy and I enjoyed him so much. I'm involved with my church with the worship team and nursery a lot more recently, and I enjoy it. I still have a grand desire to serve others with special needs. As of now, I'm focused on the once a night program my church has for parents to have a night out. Having a special buddy for now, is a bit too soon for me; I may eventually go back to having one, but right now, I am where God wants me to be.
Though there are times I feel as if my heart is broken into thousands of pieces over death, over pain, over......ANYTHING the devil can use against me, I find that one thing remains true. God's Word. God's Words and prayers is the ultimate tool to heal a heart...to mend a heart. I'm so grateful for that promise.
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