The Setting In of Discouragement and Doubt

The Lord has really blessed me with many great friends and family.  Many of whom has prayed for me and showed so much kindness and love for me. Many of them asks questions of which I have no answers because I have the same questions myself.  It is so frustrating to keep asking and keep trying to come up with an answer.  One of the common questions I get asked (and I always ask) is: 
  • Why aren't any of the treatments working?? or Why does this treatment work for such a short time? (If only I knew the answer to this age old question….)


PLEASE PLEASE DON’T get me wrong…. I really appreciate the kindness, love, and care behind most of these questions; and I firmly know every one of these questions have good intentions behind them.   
   
I went back for a follow up with my neurologist 2 weeks ago and Dr. Leone could immediately tell (by looking at me) that my pain has worsened.  My head pain has definitely gone down more to my neck and it is affecting more of my range of motion in my neck.   Not good.  Pain medication isn’t doing it for me as well and the new pain patch he wanted to try on me had no effect on me whatsoever.  Bummer.   I was discouraged.  Sleepless nights are here again. Along with that, my pain my lower abdominal area was flaring up to the max again.   I was also put on an extra dose of medication and so far there is no change.  Plus…..the idea of ingesting more medication is not my cup of tea. *sigh*  I've also been through a lot of nerve blocks and sometimes they last a month; sometimes they can last 2 weeks; and sometimes they don't work.  Treatment of this pain varies----it's....ahhhh!!!!!! never-knowing. If it works, it works, if it doesn't work; it doesn't work. 

And so….

…. Discouragement again sets in once again.  I wonder to myself “what is the use of going back to all my doctors every 3-6 months or whenever my pain threshold escalates (besides medications management”).   

….The weight of doubt draws close to me yet again. GO AWAY SATAN! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!   *knock knock* HELLO??? Father, are you there??      

My heart & mind is reminded about the many times Satan attacks Job.  His friends and his wife even try to discourage him and actually tell him to turn away from God.  This for me, reminds me to just draw CLOSER to God and cling to Him and try my best not to doubt His plans for me and His love for me.   THIS is HIS plan and purpose in my life.   God chose ME for this trial for a special purpose and I need to embrace it for what it is worth, even though I don’t know why or I don’t understand why OR don’t know the reasoning behind it all.   Yes, I’m frustrated there is NO diagnosis for my health issues.  Yes, I get discouraged when a treatment doesn't work or if a treatment doesn't last but one week or even one day.   I can’t lie and tell you I’m always “yay God for making me Me” type person.  I’m a sinner just like you and as a sinner we have our grudges and our questioning moments and wishing “Why do I have to go through this?” or “If I wasn’t this way….this may have happened” Thanks to God that He is a forgiving God; thanks to God that He uses friends, family, His Word, and songs to point us back to the Truth.

One of my favorite devotional books I have enjoyed reading is Slaying the Giants in Your Life by Dr. David Jeremiah.  In one of the chapters entitled “Disarming Your Doubts”, he shared this quote:

Turn your doubts into questions
Turn your questions into prayers
Turn your prayers over to God

How true that is!


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