Why Me? or is it....Why NOT Me?
This past week, 5/22-5/31, my niece Caitlyn got to stay with my parents and I at our house.
She did really well here, she enjoyed her new bike and helmet my Mom got her while she was here. If ever I become a mother, in God's will, I had a foretaste of it. I have greatly enjoyed all these teaching moments with her. She enjoyed grabbing any kind of book and trying to sound out words with me. She had lots of questions; many of the questions were things from "If the earth is round, how is it we go in a straight line?" to "why does lightening make a noise (thunder?)" Then came the "harder" questions like:
Why are you sick a lot? Why does your tummy hurt? Why does your head hurt?
I don't know, sweetie, The doctors are trying to figure out what's wrong. I wish I knew
Why you? Why did God make you that way.
...... Children's Catechism: "Well, Why did God make you
and all things?" For His own Glory!
Yeah, but WHY????
Sweetie, sometimes, we aren't made to understand things; but just to accept things.
As I sat there explaining to my niece (in the most simplistic way) what the glory of God meant and answering the question as to why God had created me the way he did as well as put upon me a lot of health issues that are beyond the scope of my understandings, I started to think to myself "Do I really believe this? IS it for God's glory?" My niece is correct in asking "WHY??" By the time I was her age, I probably would have already gone through 10 operations or so. And now that I'm an adult, I'm still going through surgeries to prevent overgrowth of the tumors that causes pain.....oh, and don't forget, the added burden of the chronic pain I have with the abdomen and the head. I can't get a break, can't I?
Oh, how the Devil is quickly able to sweep into our hearts and minds in our most fragile state of minds and use every opportunity to double guess our hope in God and question God's grace and glory. Yes, I admit, there are SO MANY times that I have of questioned God's sovereignty and love since my childhood-----this is human nature. It IS human nature to ask God "Why Me?"
For us (me) who are suffering, have we (I) ever considered to ask the question "Why NOT me?". God must have chose us for a reason! Of course He chose us for a reason---of course it is for HIS glory, but there is some reason behind it that we may not know or understand at this point in our lives or maybe we may never know at this side of eternity. I've had people come to me and tell me what a testimony I've been to them or how much they have learned from me. I don't see how that is possible, but I trust them and I trust that God is doing His work through me. I've often been ask, "if you could have a magic button to "look normal" and not have all these tumors or pain", would you press that button?" I would easily say "no". Why? Because I've learned so much about myself through these trials I've been through. Yes, it's been rough.....it's been hair pulling, crying, stomping, screaming, heart-wrenching trials, but God has taught me so much through it all. I think.....no, I KNOW that is where my love for people (especially those with special needs) comes.
Almost 2 weeks ago, my heart almost felt like it was going to explode. I was dealing with a lot of physical pain, and to top it off, I was dealing with a lot of emotional pain as well. Folks, depression and anxiety is not fun and having to add physical pain on top of it makes things worse. Questioning the "Why Me"/ "Why NOT Me" is always the hardest thing to process. Over the past several years, one of my favorite songs has been "God Moves in a Mysterious Way." I have heard so many tunes, renditions, etc to this song, but this one is by far my favorite version. I love this version, and I especially love singing it whenever I'm on team on Sunday:
I'm so thankful for a God who has my life in His hands; everything is already planned out, even though I have no clue what is going to happen or I don't understand what happened or what is or will happen.
........it's interesting how a 6yro's innocent questions can cause you to really examine your own heart.
She did really well here, she enjoyed her new bike and helmet my Mom got her while she was here. If ever I become a mother, in God's will, I had a foretaste of it. I have greatly enjoyed all these teaching moments with her. She enjoyed grabbing any kind of book and trying to sound out words with me. She had lots of questions; many of the questions were things from "If the earth is round, how is it we go in a straight line?" to "why does lightening make a noise (thunder?)" Then came the "harder" questions like:
Why are you sick a lot? Why does your tummy hurt? Why does your head hurt?
I don't know, sweetie, The doctors are trying to figure out what's wrong. I wish I knew
Why you? Why did God make you that way.
and all things?" For His own Glory!
Yeah, but WHY????
Sweetie, sometimes, we aren't made to understand things; but just to accept things.
As I sat there explaining to my niece (in the most simplistic way) what the glory of God meant and answering the question as to why God had created me the way he did as well as put upon me a lot of health issues that are beyond the scope of my understandings, I started to think to myself "Do I really believe this? IS it for God's glory?" My niece is correct in asking "WHY??" By the time I was her age, I probably would have already gone through 10 operations or so. And now that I'm an adult, I'm still going through surgeries to prevent overgrowth of the tumors that causes pain.....oh, and don't forget, the added burden of the chronic pain I have with the abdomen and the head. I can't get a break, can't I?
Oh, how the Devil is quickly able to sweep into our hearts and minds in our most fragile state of minds and use every opportunity to double guess our hope in God and question God's grace and glory. Yes, I admit, there are SO MANY times that I have of questioned God's sovereignty and love since my childhood-----this is human nature. It IS human nature to ask God "Why Me?"
For us (me) who are suffering, have we (I) ever considered to ask the question "Why NOT me?". God must have chose us for a reason! Of course He chose us for a reason---of course it is for HIS glory, but there is some reason behind it that we may not know or understand at this point in our lives or maybe we may never know at this side of eternity. I've had people come to me and tell me what a testimony I've been to them or how much they have learned from me. I don't see how that is possible, but I trust them and I trust that God is doing His work through me. I've often been ask, "if you could have a magic button to "look normal" and not have all these tumors or pain", would you press that button?" I would easily say "no". Why? Because I've learned so much about myself through these trials I've been through. Yes, it's been rough.....it's been hair pulling, crying, stomping, screaming, heart-wrenching trials, but God has taught me so much through it all. I think.....no, I KNOW that is where my love for people (especially those with special needs) comes.
Almost 2 weeks ago, my heart almost felt like it was going to explode. I was dealing with a lot of physical pain, and to top it off, I was dealing with a lot of emotional pain as well. Folks, depression and anxiety is not fun and having to add physical pain on top of it makes things worse. Questioning the "Why Me"/ "Why NOT Me" is always the hardest thing to process. Over the past several years, one of my favorite songs has been "God Moves in a Mysterious Way." I have heard so many tunes, renditions, etc to this song, but this one is by far my favorite version. I love this version, and I especially love singing it whenever I'm on team on Sunday:
I'm so thankful for a God who has my life in His hands; everything is already planned out, even though I have no clue what is going to happen or I don't understand what happened or what is or will happen.
........it's interesting how a 6yro's innocent questions can cause you to really examine your own heart.
Comments