Good Days, Bad Days, JOY,

It’s been three months since my last update and I apologize for the quiet on my end.  Lately there really haven’t been any significant new developments in my health or any other areas in my life.   The various doctors’ appointments I have had since my last appointments could have been blogged about or shared with, yet there are times my heart knows the words yet my brain can’t figure out how to write it all out.  So, here is the short version to the best of my ability.

I have completely healed from my surgery back in the very end of November.   Right now, I’ve been having nerve regeneration pain which is very typical for my type of surgery for this particular type of disease/tumors.   Because of how much tumor and nerve tissue that was taken out, the pain from the nerve regeneration could take up to a year.  There are days it hurts worse than other days.     

As far as my chronic pain is concerned, I still struggle with it daily.  In the beginning of March, I had a procedure to help control my abdominal pain.   It was another “denervation procedure” which is basically a procedure that uses energy to help block nerve receptors.  The percentage of energy used will determine how long the pain block lasts.   So far, it has last about 5-6 weeks for me for each treatment; however, but this treatment is only for my chronic abdominal pain and not my head and neck pain. My head and neck pain as well as my cognitive issues are still be closely monitored by my UVA neurologist.     My cognitive issues continue to be a struggle and at times scary.  I continue to have moments when I’m “lost.” (I get confused; forget what or why I’m doing something, or what time/day it is”) The neurologist is still working on this; he believes it could be a medication issue, however a change in medication and dosages is tricky and hard on the body as well – another thing I’m not looking forward to, if he decides to go this route.

Despite all my chronic days/nights.  I try to function to the fullest.  I help out where I can at the house.  I go out and run errands with my Mom, despite my pain....  I shouldn't even say, I TRY; I should say "I want to".  Some of you who are on FaceBook probably saw this posted on my FaceBook page: 16 Things People in Chronic Pain Want You to Know  I appreciated my friend sharing this article because I agreed so much with this.   I give people the benefit of the doubt that people don't really understand about chronic pain.  Days that I do hurt, sometimes I still have to or need to do things whether I like.  to or not.  I do hurt, but that doesn't mean I can't do things like go on vacation.  One of my other friends put it best when she said to me one day "if you are going to be in pain, you are going to be in pain, it doesn't matter where you are going to be!"   I love her point of view. 

I've had several people ask me if there is any chance I would be able to go back to work.  I would always reply and tell them that I would love to go back to work and return to my field of psychology and special education; but until I'm over my health issues, no employer would hire anyone with so much health issues.    There are so many times I miss my field of work.   I enjoy it when parents or educators call me and ask me for advice.  I miss being able to work; but I know in reality I can't. Earlier in March,  I had a great and wonderful opportunity to spend time with my friends in Bridgewater for 12 days as they adjusted to life as a family of four.   I've know this family for a while, in fact I've know William since college and he's like a brother to me.  It was pure JOY just to be there with this family.   It meant so much to me that they trusted me and wanted me to stay and help them during the transition (besides, who wouldn't want to play trains, read books, and cuddle with a 2 year old)???  I was feeling my *normal* self those days while I was there.  Those days when I was there I was thinking to myself that though I am not able to hold a job, in some ways it's nice because I can be free to help others whenever they need me, and if I can help out if I'm feeling well, I will help out.

So, yes I'm often discouraged through this pain.
Yes, I savor those GOOD, less-pain days
But, I choose to find JOY through it all

I choose JESUS