Struggles and Obedience
Since my last update in May, I continue to struggle greatly with my physical self. It's been weary and tiresome and at times, I admit I do become despondent. It's a never ceasing battle for me; and this chronic pain I refer to is BOTH the back of my head/neck AND my lower abdominal region.
I go through the day as much as I can with what I can endure. I help out where needed, I try to go to the gym with my Mom when I can, but I don't overdo it. End result, no matter what I do, the pain is still there no matter what; it could be worsened or the same--it depends.
...and it's a struggle, a daily struggle; and a times a struggle that sometimes keeps me in bed in the mornings; and I often wonder how content am I, really? I am missing out on so many things in life. I miss being able to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ or being a home group, the once a year gathering with the Worship Team, or even just a group gathering for leadership meeting for other things. I know it is understandable by others why I can't make it; but I need that fellowship AND friendship, especially with people older spiritually than me. It's hard.
Over this past spring and especially couple months, I had come to a realization that it was time for me to step down from certain ministries from my church. I love my leadership as the PIC in the nursery but since January, I was praying for guidance and direction from God. My health began to decline and I was already taking a break from Worship Team as well. When April/May rolled around it was clear that God had called me to step down for an undetermined amount of time. I am happy to help for emergency situations. It was extremely hard for me to do this (in fact, I nearly cried when I broke the news to Lisa and Kris!), but I knew obedience to God was first and foremost and that my health was important as well. I had served in this area since 2003 and saw some many children grow up! I love serving; but I'm also trying to listen to God and hear His Voice in what He wants me to do....so even if this is tough for me, I'm trying to understand and accept it.
A quick run down of the newest development in my health:
I met my new pain management doctor in July and I really (I mean really) like him. Dr Davis seems very caring and considerate. I actually drilled (or maybe grilled????) him on our first meeting about his techniques, his patient-doctor relationships, methods of treatments, etc. I only did this because he did finish his residency at UVA and his fellowship at UVA and I explained to him (and also told him that nothing was directed toward him or anyone in particular) about how I never got answers from UVA and never really felt I was talked, treated well, or even given or even TRIED, and form of treatment from UVA. He was definitely on the same page with me because he did read all my past UVA records and was a little baffled by it (who knew?); I also felt more comfortable with him because his degree is in pain management and anesthesiology, which is a better form of pain management treatment that my other doctors had originally tried to get me to see. Dr. Davis scheduled me for another injection (which I had last week) for the abdominal pain; and he wants to schedule me for another one 4 weeks from that for a longer lasting effect. Last time when Dr Lee did the injection on May 7, I wasn't in pain in my abdominal area for about 6-7 weeks, with the new type of injection/medication. The idea behind the "double" injection is to provide a longer pain-free respite period. The medication isn't a steroid, so I feel safe to use it.
As far as my cognition goes, things remain the same--well almost the same. I still have my moments and I had have a couple of really weird times when I would stand up, walk and just fall flat on my face or backwards. There's nothing around me and there's nothing on the floor to cause a fall. It's just a bit scary. My neurologist has told me to just keep a log if that happens again; it could be a fluke or it could be something cognitive. It's just a scary thing. I only have black and blue marks, but nothing too serious. Please continue to pray about these matters.
I go through the day as much as I can with what I can endure. I help out where needed, I try to go to the gym with my Mom when I can, but I don't overdo it. End result, no matter what I do, the pain is still there no matter what; it could be worsened or the same--it depends.
...and it's a struggle, a daily struggle; and a times a struggle that sometimes keeps me in bed in the mornings; and I often wonder how content am I, really? I am missing out on so many things in life. I miss being able to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ or being a home group, the once a year gathering with the Worship Team, or even just a group gathering for leadership meeting for other things. I know it is understandable by others why I can't make it; but I need that fellowship AND friendship, especially with people older spiritually than me. It's hard.
Over this past spring and especially couple months, I had come to a realization that it was time for me to step down from certain ministries from my church. I love my leadership as the PIC in the nursery but since January, I was praying for guidance and direction from God. My health began to decline and I was already taking a break from Worship Team as well. When April/May rolled around it was clear that God had called me to step down for an undetermined amount of time. I am happy to help for emergency situations. It was extremely hard for me to do this (in fact, I nearly cried when I broke the news to Lisa and Kris!), but I knew obedience to God was first and foremost and that my health was important as well. I had served in this area since 2003 and saw some many children grow up! I love serving; but I'm also trying to listen to God and hear His Voice in what He wants me to do....so even if this is tough for me, I'm trying to understand and accept it.
A quick run down of the newest development in my health:
I met my new pain management doctor in July and I really (I mean really) like him. Dr Davis seems very caring and considerate. I actually drilled (or maybe grilled????) him on our first meeting about his techniques, his patient-doctor relationships, methods of treatments, etc. I only did this because he did finish his residency at UVA and his fellowship at UVA and I explained to him (and also told him that nothing was directed toward him or anyone in particular) about how I never got answers from UVA and never really felt I was talked, treated well, or even given or even TRIED, and form of treatment from UVA. He was definitely on the same page with me because he did read all my past UVA records and was a little baffled by it (who knew?); I also felt more comfortable with him because his degree is in pain management and anesthesiology, which is a better form of pain management treatment that my other doctors had originally tried to get me to see. Dr. Davis scheduled me for another injection (which I had last week) for the abdominal pain; and he wants to schedule me for another one 4 weeks from that for a longer lasting effect. Last time when Dr Lee did the injection on May 7, I wasn't in pain in my abdominal area for about 6-7 weeks, with the new type of injection/medication. The idea behind the "double" injection is to provide a longer pain-free respite period. The medication isn't a steroid, so I feel safe to use it.
As far as my cognition goes, things remain the same--well almost the same. I still have my moments and I had have a couple of really weird times when I would stand up, walk and just fall flat on my face or backwards. There's nothing around me and there's nothing on the floor to cause a fall. It's just a bit scary. My neurologist has told me to just keep a log if that happens again; it could be a fluke or it could be something cognitive. It's just a scary thing. I only have black and blue marks, but nothing too serious. Please continue to pray about these matters.
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