Heart of the Matter

“God in His Love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty. He has the power to bring it about.  God is completely sovereign; God is infinite in Wisdom. God is perfect in Love…….. While it is certainly true that God’s love for us does not protect us from pain and sorrow, it is also true that all occasions of pain and sorrow are under the absolute control of God. If God controls the circumstances of the sparrow, how much more does He control the circumstances that affect us? God does not walk away and leave us the mercy of uncontrolled random or chance events”   --Jerry Bridges, Trusting God Even When Life Hurts

One of my favorite devotional books and authors is Jerry Bridges.  His book Trusting God Even When Life Hurts is among one of my favorite out of many of his books. I got this book from a good friend of the family when I graduated from high school; I also was a baby Christian at that time as well. Little did I know back then did I realize that this book would be my *reminder* book (of course, along with the Bible) about trusting God daily.  Every time I read it, I get new insights. I’ve always had to deal with health issues since I was born; that comes with the NF territory.  But the constant pain, neurological issues, etc. This was never something I expected. Of course, nothing in life is expected, isn’t it?

I’m not tardy in my updates; I just really have nothing to update.  My health continues as is with no real new developments or changes.  Another reason I haven’t really updated my blog is that I’ve been struggling a lot about how to put my thoughts into words  and then translating it into sensible structural sentences.   I’m not talking about my neurological issues here—I’m talking about my heart wrestling issues here.  We all wrestle with the heart at one point or another, some more than others.  Or perhaps, some decided to just run away from the matters of the heart and take the easy way out; if only it were that easy.  

 Several weeks ago, my best friend (also a dear Christian) and I had a real heart to heart conversation as we haven’t had a real chance to catch up in a long time. I had told her a brief update about my health and my personal life.  She asked me a simple question about how do I get through the day with so much health issues and personal issues especially since I'm not able to do much activities.  I paused for a moment, looked at her, and realized (and replied) that, the love and prayers of God’s people in our church, the love and prayers of our Pastors, my own prayers, and especially the Love of God.  THOSE are my HOPE.  That doesn’t mean that I still don’t have struggles of the heart, because believe me, I do ALL. THE. TIME.   I have my days where I can't function physically or days where spiritually I feel so defeated and emotionally where I feel so strained and tired of the battle.  It's human; and it's okay.

  

Last Sunday was a sweet reminder for me.  As most Sundays, I would see a little friend of mine and this little friend would always give me a hug, a high five, and occasionally a peck on the cheek, depending on how the day is going.  On this particular day, this special buddy asked me “Why does one eye look funnier than the other eye?” I thought it was a fair question to ask so I got down on my knees and explained to my buddy in simplest words by first asking “Who made us all?” Of course, my buddy is smart and knows that God created us all. I went on to explain how He makes us all different and created us different for a reason, and that some of us has different features.  My buddy gave me a pouted looking face, armed crossed, and said with seriousness “God’s NOT nice…because it looks like your eye hurts you!”  For a second there, I wanted to agree with my buddy; I wanted to pout and say that “You are absolutely right! My right eye does hurt sometimes because I can’t blink and it dries out a lot.” But, I didn’t. I told my buddy that God’s not mean because God made everyone unique for a special reason and that we need to Love God for that (that’s the simplest way I could put it, considering the age). 

All of us get sidetracked when facing trials, one way or the other.  We all tend to say or hear complaints (oh, and I’ve down it so many times); rather than singing praises to God for what He has done thus far.   It’s easier to go down the road of “mistrust” rather than the road of TRUST.  

One final quote from Jerry Bridges’ Trusting God, Even When Life Hurts

“Our first priority in times of adversity is to honor and glorify God by trusting Him”