Rest in God
My soul finds rest in God alone,
My Rock and my salvation;
A fortress strong against my foes,
And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,
And lies like arrows pierce me,
I'll fix my heart on righteousness,
I'll look to Him who hears me.
O praise Him, hallelujah,
My Delight and my reward;
Everlasting, never failing,
My Redeemer, my God.
---------------------------------------------------------
This past week proved to be a very hard week for me; and I can honestly tell you that I'm still processing it all. I will probably still process it for a while. It's been an emotionally and physically tough week and as you all know, both go hand and hand. Physically, I've been struggling so much. Struggling with the pain, struggling with my cognitive function, and just plain struggling. I can see you down the hall and have a question in my mind; but as I'm walking towards you I will completely blank out and have no clue why I was walking toward you in the first place. My Mom has told me there are times where I'm just talking "non-sense" (she has no clue what message I'm conveying). My neurologist appointment this past Monday was disappointing as we are still at a standstill--He doesn't know if my medications are to be fully blamed for my cognitive issues (which seems to have gotten worse still) or if it's the tumors pressing on my brain (benign). We don't want to go down on the medications or I'll be in even more excruciating pain than I am already. We don't want to risk my going into surgery with a new NF neurosurgeon because we don't know that the NF pressing on my brain is really what is causing the cognitive difficulties/fogginess. Not have clear answers in any clear avenue of help has been stressful. I've been wanting solutions to the problem and not just a cover up for the pain or the cover up for the cognitive difficulties. My side pain has been under control to some extent with my pain management doctor for which I'm very thankful.
Emotionally it was a rough week too. It was my birthday and it wasn't very happy. No no no, it's not because I grew a year older; in fact, I praise God for giving me another year to my life. I can't nor I won't go into details on what happened, but I can just say that I'm grateful for the pastors that God has equipped Cov Pres. Those Pastors, Brothers in Christ, who speak the truth to when untruth is spoken to you, or who walks with you as you process the *hurt*/*scars* and even the uncertainties of things. Most of all, they encourage you and shed light to you on what you see as a tough road ahead.
Through all that I've gone through, I'm encouraged by all of you who pray for me on a daily basis; those of you who constantly remind me of God's love for me and how strong of faith you see in me.... I need to be reminded about that because honestly, sometimes I just don't feel it, especially when the physical pain runs deep (let alone the emotional pain to comes with it) and it's hard to smile at times. I don't pretend that all is well because I don't believe in putting up a fake front. Yet one thing I have found as my constant is whenever I am worshiping and singing to God that pure joy is found in my heart.
When I said earlier this past week was a rough week. It really was. But this song/Psalm 62 was my devotional song this week (especially the first verse). May you find comfort in this Psalm/Song as well whenever you are finding the *hard* in your place.
My Rock and my salvation;
A fortress strong against my foes,
And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,
And lies like arrows pierce me,
I'll fix my heart on righteousness,
I'll look to Him who hears me.
O praise Him, hallelujah,
My Delight and my reward;
Everlasting, never failing,
My Redeemer, my God.
---------------------------------------------------------
This past week proved to be a very hard week for me; and I can honestly tell you that I'm still processing it all. I will probably still process it for a while. It's been an emotionally and physically tough week and as you all know, both go hand and hand. Physically, I've been struggling so much. Struggling with the pain, struggling with my cognitive function, and just plain struggling. I can see you down the hall and have a question in my mind; but as I'm walking towards you I will completely blank out and have no clue why I was walking toward you in the first place. My Mom has told me there are times where I'm just talking "non-sense" (she has no clue what message I'm conveying). My neurologist appointment this past Monday was disappointing as we are still at a standstill--He doesn't know if my medications are to be fully blamed for my cognitive issues (which seems to have gotten worse still) or if it's the tumors pressing on my brain (benign). We don't want to go down on the medications or I'll be in even more excruciating pain than I am already. We don't want to risk my going into surgery with a new NF neurosurgeon because we don't know that the NF pressing on my brain is really what is causing the cognitive difficulties/fogginess. Not have clear answers in any clear avenue of help has been stressful. I've been wanting solutions to the problem and not just a cover up for the pain or the cover up for the cognitive difficulties. My side pain has been under control to some extent with my pain management doctor for which I'm very thankful.
Emotionally it was a rough week too. It was my birthday and it wasn't very happy. No no no, it's not because I grew a year older; in fact, I praise God for giving me another year to my life. I can't nor I won't go into details on what happened, but I can just say that I'm grateful for the pastors that God has equipped Cov Pres. Those Pastors, Brothers in Christ, who speak the truth to when untruth is spoken to you, or who walks with you as you process the *hurt*/*scars* and even the uncertainties of things. Most of all, they encourage you and shed light to you on what you see as a tough road ahead.
Through all that I've gone through, I'm encouraged by all of you who pray for me on a daily basis; those of you who constantly remind me of God's love for me and how strong of faith you see in me.... I need to be reminded about that because honestly, sometimes I just don't feel it, especially when the physical pain runs deep (let alone the emotional pain to comes with it) and it's hard to smile at times. I don't pretend that all is well because I don't believe in putting up a fake front. Yet one thing I have found as my constant is whenever I am worshiping and singing to God that pure joy is found in my heart.
When I said earlier this past week was a rough week. It really was. But this song/Psalm 62 was my devotional song this week (especially the first verse). May you find comfort in this Psalm/Song as well whenever you are finding the *hard* in your place.
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