Life as a Rollarcoaster

It was the end of my first year at Blue Ridge Community College (I went there first before I transferred over to JMU); I had just finished a grueling 8 weeks of summer school taking College Physics I & II, and I thought to myself that it was a very good time to just relax, take it easy, and enjoy the rest of the summer.  Back then, I was able to do more, plan more, and enjoy life more because my health wasn’t like as it is now.   I remember that summer, after my classes were over, a good friend and I and another friend decided to go enjoy a day of fun at Kings Dominion.  I had already made myself clear to my friend that I was under no circumstances going to ride any rollercoasters because I do not like speed and I do not like steep hills, nor do I like being turned upside down!   This happened sooooo long ago and I really don’t remember much details on how he ended up actually getting me on to the Rebel Yell--one of the roller coasters.  But I remember I was not amused while I was sitting in the cart with him by my side.  I wasn’t sure if I was annoyed at him or more scared of the speed and the deep dips because all we had was a bar to hold on to.  I remember the feeling of riding in that cart while it was trekking ever so slowly up that steep hill, stopping for a few seconds and then dropping with fierce speed. I grabbed on to his arms and buried my head in his arm for the rest of the ride.  I hate speed, and dips.  (Apparently, he was looking down at my face because he called me “Prune Eyes” the rest of the day…and every so often through the school years.) Somehow, that grabbing/clinging made me feel safer (although I did lose my favorite hat).  Nightfall came and he brought us to another roller coaster and he failed to tell me that this coaster was an upside down coaster (I still think he did this purposely); of course, when the straps went over the entire body, I knew I had no way out.  “I wanna get off!!!.....Just let me off, now!!”   I knew it was going to be okay, but still.  I still wasn’t sure if I was fine with the regular coaster I rode (oh, yeah, he made us go backwards too!!) let alone, going upside down!

Somehow this memory crept into my mind these past two weeks because lately I feel like I’m on the rollercoaster of my life and it just seems to go faster and faster---sometimes, making a huge dip down or even and upside down flip.  I just think to myself “I just want this cart to stop—if not stop, just slow down: just go in one straight smooth line”.  

Yesterday I had the denervation injection for my neck. Although I was fairly sedated, I was also aware enough to know what was going on around me.   This part of the procedure is not a fun procedure and I hope that it will be one that lasts a long time.  The doctor said that it should last at least 9-12 months.    It’s still a bit painful today but according to the doctor, it is normal and in a few days I should be able to feel relief completely.    Before either of these injections were done, I was put on some big restrictions from my doctor.  I have to admit that the news of not being able to do certain things was not very fun for me to hear.   I’m basically banned from doing any form of upper body exercises, limited lower body exercise, but I am and encouraged to keep up with core exercise such as yoga, planks, pilates, Chi-kung, Tai-Chi (and no, I cannot continue with karate).    I’m not sure how long my restrictions are for since my pain is diverse in many areas and the doctors are hoping that limiting certain things can help things along, even if a lot of it has to do with my NF disorders.   I told my doctor I’m just so tired of trying out so many theories, testing procedures, etc , just to figure out things.  Just.Tired.

The Rebel Yell, as I remember has a couple of huge hills and a couple of medium/smaller hills.   I’ve been so stressed with my final couple weeks of schooling left (medium/small hills) as well as so many doctor’s appointments, pain, medical procedures, personal / relational issues (bigger hills)?, etc. And all of these causes me to worry—causes me to become scared, stressed, disheartened, and a slew of other words.  Do you ever feel like you just want to get off this crazy busy fast-paced upside down world? I certainly do.  I think back how I can burry my fears and stresses into the arms of God because only He can truly make us feel safe, secure, and help us tackle the unknown.