Survival mode: The last 3 months



You’re [look] fine, just move around a bit!
How on earth are you so tired when you don’t even work?
Ignore the pain, it will go away!
You mean, you’re STILL in pain?
*******
There are very few people who don’t understand how health issues can take a toll on the body. Or that fact that some disabilities are invisible. 
 
My chronic pain and neuralgia are very real
The vestibular, ocular, and tension migraines are very real. 
My periods of confusion and disorientation are very real
Oh, and did I mention abdominal migraines (I bet most of you never heard of that)!  

Recovering from procedures and the pain of nerve re-growth is very real .

So given the above, I can absolutely be doing nothing; yet the pain consumes all energy.  
I’m tired.  So. Very. Very. Tired.  Doctors, Shots, procedures, etc…. not just physically tired, but mentally and emotionally.  I’m spent. 

Since my last post…..the end of September, life has basically flashed by me.  I’ve been in *survival mode*.  More tests, more procedures, more everything.   I continue to be thankful for the hard work my doctors put forth in my plan of care, including working with insurance companies so that I can receive certain treatments at closer intervals to hopefully combat the migraine before it gets too intense.

Yet in the midst of all of this, especially the last 2-3 months, life goes on because things need to be done.  On my *not so good days*, my physical strength may be low, but that’s not important to me.  What is the most important to me is my spiritual strength.   I need that strength to keep pressing onward to the prize ahead.  R.C. Sproul (1939-2017) said it best “We are secure not because we hold tightly to Jesus, but because He holds tightly to us!”  That strength is not our own; but it is that of God’s.  We may falter (and we will!), but God’s hands has a grasp on us. 

When I was at the Getty Conference, I picked up Laura Story’s devotional book based on her song “Blessings”  It’s been an encouragement to me, as well as other songs, devotions, etc…
I don’t jump up and down with this illness
Yes I complain and even pout
Yes, I cry; I ask “why?”
It’s hard not to wonder what is the purpose in all of this and how God can be glorified through this.
But one thing is for sure: God’s mercy is always present whether we see it or not.



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