Let It Go...

Let it go………


Don’t worry; I’m not going to break out into song from the beloved children’s princess movie Frozen.  Although, I wish we did have some snow for Christmas.

Christmas.  My parents always ask me what do I want for Christmas; and every year I tease them and break out into the song of “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”.  And every year I get that same look from them. You’d think they’d learn by now not to ask me that question.  I usually never really know what to respond when someone asks me “what do I want for Christmas?” (or even birthday, for that matter).  I’m just grateful for what I already have and especially, during this time, for what Jesus have done for us: He came to earth in the form of Man, by being born to the Virgin Mary, so that He bear our sins and die in our place.   Every year, our Christmas celebration looks different.  There have been years were we have traveled up to New York to be with family, there are years where family came to my parent’s house, there was a year we went on a Christmas cruise, and last year we went to Florida to visit family.  We never have a set “plan” of what we do each Christmas, and it can change so quickly (as far as I know, we are staying put tomorrow, but you never know with my parents! Ha-ha!).   However, one thing that stays the same is traditional Christmas movies during the season (well, this is more for my Mom and me than my Dad).  My Mom and I like to watch specific Christmas movies every year; it can range from comical favorites to heartfelt movies.    


One of the movies I haven’t yet “re-watched” this year is A Charlie Brown Christmas.  I’m usually not a big fan of cartoon movies or most of Charlie Brown movies, but I find Charles Schulz movie well-done.  I’ve liked it ever since I was little and I love it now.   Several years ago I read this insight about A Charlie Brown Christmas.   This same article has begun to resurface again throughout FB and it was a great reminder to just “let go”, “release” my fears and anxieties that I have been having throughout this year, and especially these past few weeks.


The week of Thanksgiving, I had an appointment with my NF surgeon, my Neurologist, and an MRI of my brain.  To make things simple, the MRI was needed to check where and if my NF tumors have progressed any in my brain and skull and how big the tumors are (this is usually every 5 years).  I’ve been having extreme pain on the left side of my scalp, near the ear.  It’s almost always constant; and it’s a very different pain from my migraine pain.   My neurologist appointment was to follow-up on my migraines and head pain.   Because my new medication has only had minor effectiveness, we are wondering if any of the migraines and head pain has anything to do with NF tumors causing referred pain.   When the MRI results came back, it wasn’t bad news but it wasn’t good news either.   There weren’t any new tumors in my brain, but there were some in the scalp area that could explain the pain I’ve had on my scalp. However, my NF surgeon didn’t want to do surgery right away because he wanted to refer me pain management for cortisone shots.  I explained to him several reasons why I didn’t want to go into pain management for shots.   One huge reason was that I’ve already talked to my own pain management doctor about this issue and he already reluctantly thought that shots were not a good idea, especially when dealing with tumors.  He wanted me to go back to UVA pain management to see what they say and I already told him that I am going to refuse UVA pain management because of my previous experiences there (it was REALLY BAD).   So, the plan now, is to meet with him once again (end of January) to discuss further options). At this point I was getting really irritated that there wasn’t any other options lying out on the table before going through the surgery route.  As per my doctor, if I do need the surgery and IF we do go this route, the surgery will be extremely involved; it will require shaving a good part of my head to get to a large area on my scalp.   Don’t get me wrong…I would LOVE to have other options other than surgery, and it may be my only option.   Throughout this entire process while my doctor and his residents (since the end of November and beginning of December), I was feeling stressed and full of anxiety.  I just wanted to get it over with and not be in so much pain; I mean I’m always in pain, but at least one part of the pain could be taken care of in some way, even if it had to be via surgery.    I wanted to get all my big procedures and appointments over with before the beginning of the year because I have already met my deductible for the year.  I admittedly just wanted things to go my way.  Why can’t things just go MY WAY??

When I came across the article about Linus and His blanket and what it could represent (whether or not you agree with it or not), it did reminded me that God has a purpose in everything and works things out in His timing and purpose.  I NEEDED to remember to hold on tightly to Him and remember that there was and is a reason that things didn’t go the way I hoped that it would go and that I have to just trust and cling to God’s promises and provisions.

So, I encourage those who are struggling in any way whether physically, emotionally or mentally, “let it go”, give your fears, anxieties, insecurities, etc. to Christ.  There’s no greater feeling.