A JOYFUL NOISE

I am going to be honest. Honest to you all and honest with myself and my Lord. This is a very hard thing for me to write, but I wanted to share it with you all. For some reason, this evening I decided to take a good hard look in the mirror at myself since the surgery. I was noticing what was done and what more has to be done in the future. As I pulled my hair back, to my horror, I saw it. I saw something I never really did see (or maybe I saw before but didn't care) before. It made me upset. It made me angry. My ears are lopsided. Yes, my right ear hangs about 2 inches lower than my left. Now, I did know for the longest time that my ears weren't in symmetry, but for some reason....today, it hit me harder than it ever had. I'm not sure if it's the drugs I'm on or my being "bored" or what. Certainly Satan had a BIG GRIP on me. I've never let my looks affect my way of thinking or let other people's commen...

It's past 3a.m. and I can't seem to fall asleep. I started to sing (in my head) one of my favorite songs: Jesus I am Resting, Resting. I know the lyrics by heart; and I know several versions/tunes to this song. Each tune brings it's on special meaning; but one thing never changes......We need to constantly rest and trust in Jesus. He made us who we are; we are love Jesus and rest in the fact that Jesus' love is unfailing and unfaltering. Jesus, I am resting, resting, In the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness Of Thy loving heart. Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, And Thy beauty fills my soul, For by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole. Refrain ' Jesus, I am resting, resting, In the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness Of Thy loving heart. O, how great Thy loving kindness, Vaster, broader than the sea! O, how marvelous Thy goodness, Lavished all on me! Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd, Know what we...

I had surgery this past Thursday, March 17. It's one of those never ending surgeries I go through to take out some of the neurofibroma (NF). I've gone through hundreds of surgery (literally!) since I was a child--no, since I was a baby. It doesn't get any easier. The older I get I find it harder and harder to recuperate and get my energy back. Dr Gampper revised my scar on my right side of my face because it was pulling downward and becoming very uncomfortable. He also removed some NF that was developing underneath my ear. They were suppose to open my nasal passage but they didn't do it this time and I'm not too sure why. My surgery was about 2 hrs long. I got wheeled into the OR around 2:30 and woke up in the recovery room around 6:30. I got released to go home the same day and got home around 9pm. Recovery is going well so far even though I'm in a lot of pain. It hurts to move my mouth (whether it is talking or eating). I've been...

Prayers are so powerful. I'm so thankful we can talk to God through our prayers; I'm thankful to be able to share prayer requests with others and to pray for others. This past week has been a week of prayer and thoughts going out to friends and family. --prayers for those who are recovering from surgery --prayers for those who suffer with severe pain --prayers for a couple who lost their son in a tragic car accident --prayers for those who need direction in their life --prayers for those whose job is unstable or who needs a job --prayers of praise and thanksgiving I can go on and on.....prayers are so powerful and a great tool to minister to one another. So I ask you, will you please pray for me? For the past 3 weeks, the pain in my lower right abdomen has intensified. I've had days when I am in so much pain that I can barely get myself going in the morning and all I can really do is lay on the couch. Pain affects my energy level and sometimes my energy is so lo...

This week has been absolutely horrible. The pain in my lower right stomach was increasing in pain, I was more nauseated than usual, and more tired. The thing is that the pain was extremely sharp and stabbing---not pressure pain like I usually have. I started out the week by trying to call my GI doctor, but of course, he was out of town this week. I tried to get through the week and finally decided to call my primary care doctor and she wanted to see me. That visit on Friday was a waste of my time. All she did was listen to my stomach with her stethoscope and sent me on my way with pain medication and diagnosis of chronic stomach pain. She ran no test....NOTHING. I was so upset. By Friday (and I told my pcp this), I had already gone 2 days not eating much at all and whenever I did eat I would have extreme pain and nausea. The one thing that "helped" was pain meds and laying on my bed resting/trying to sleep. By Saturday, the pain got worse throughout the d...

Over the past few weeks---in fact ever since my colonoscopy and flu, I haven't felt well at all. I've been in so much pain and been very nauseated. This affects me physically as it wears me out very much and sometimes I don't have the energy to do daily tasks. I often look back to last year and how I was able to hold a full time job and still come home and do what was required of me. Those days seems behind me and I miss those days. I feel guilty not helping financially with the house and other things. I know I shouldn't and I know it can't be helped, but it's very frustrating to not be able to hold a full time job and having to be dependent on my parents. I pay for my hospital bills with what money I do have in my savings account. (sideline: just a suggestion, always save money for rainy days---you never know when you'll be unemployed). I'm grateful for the days I can work as, a substitute teacher at the school or day care I'm part...

Last week was a busy one for me. I had two therapy appointments and two UVA hospital/doctor's appointments. Last Wednesday, I had to see my neuro-ophthalmologist. Everything went well and I'm happy to report that the tumors in the back of my right eye is stable; and the vision in my left eye (which I have nystagmus) has actually improved! There were some minor issues that he saw but he didn't feel it was necessary to operate just yet. Last Thursday, I underwent another colonoscopy (this time I was out like a light...completely asleep) My own doctor, Dr. Cerefice, was able to perform the procedure which helped my anxiety a lot. I came into my prep room and talked with me before the procedure and had me sign consent forms. I guess every one is more comfortable with their own doctor performing any kind of tests/procedures; it's not that I don't trust any other UVA docs, but at least my own doctor knows what to look for in my stomach/intestines. What he sa...