A JOYFUL NOISE

One of the things we automatically do as human beings is that we put ourselves in to a rut….a schedule.    We get out of bed, we head for our morning cup of coffee or tea with breakfast,   wash up for the day and head to our morning chores (or whatever order you put it in)..    For years, this has been my pattern.    My day would start off with coffee in my hand, heading then heading out to door to work or school.   Maybe I would throw in some ingredients in a crockpot for dinner so it will be ready when I would return from work..    Well, as you all know, the “rut of life” changed back in 2010 when I became ill and unable to work. “WHY GOD….WHY ME?” was (and honestly at times STILL IS) my constant question.    Questions after questions encompassed my brain….EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.   It continues to encompass my brain as I continue to physically decline with a great amount of other physical issues showing up….increased pain ...

All of us has gone through times when we feel as if our whole body goes numb due to something. There is physical numbness.  Numbing because of surgery a shot or whatever.  Maybe your mouth after getting a tooth extraction or a cavity filled.   I know with me I've gone through so many surgeries that the nerves where the surgery site gets cut takes a good while to regrow, and that area is somewhat numb; I can feel some, but not a lot. Then there is emotional numbness.   So much heartache and maybe accompanied with physical pain.   It's a "feeling" you just can't describe, thus why you call it a "numbness".   People ask me "how are you?" and all I can say is "ok, I guess".   People say "are you REALLY OKAY".  and all I can say "I don't know, I really can't explain how I feel." Then, as I was reminded today, there is such thing as spiritual numbness.   That numbness where you WANT ...

Let me first start by saying THANK YOU to everyone who has kept me in their thoughts and prayers over the last three weeks as my grandmother was in the hospital when I traveled up to NY, traveled back down, and went back up for the funeral.   I definitely felt your prayers and love. This past Sunday and Monday, April 14th and April 15th were the longest two days I've felt in quite a long time.   I was confused what day it was; I was confused what time it was,  I was, at times, so disoriented.  It was crazy.  And with my physically not feeling well, the emotionally toll didn't help much either. Instead of going through all the details, which will take every page of a notebook to fill, I will just give the highlights of what happened this past week.   Chinese funerals is different in some ways than a traditional American funeral.   It's a long process which can be pretty draining physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sunday wa...

These past couple weeks has been a whirlwind of pain; both physically, emotionally, and mentally.  It's been rough.  I've cried, and sometimes I just feel numb.   I sometimes feel lonely, and other times I just need my space.  It's a roller coaster.....and  I just want to get off.   It was Easter weekend.  I was spending the long weekend with my best friend and "sister" Gina.  It had been a really fun weekend.  We went to the Good Friday service together.  We also wanted to do scrapbooking together and she wanted me to give her some pointers and ideas about scrapbooking.   It is so much fun to scrapbook together.   We both went to Disney World together November 29-December 2, 2012 so we both wanted to scrapbook our memories together but also put our own creative memories into our scrapbooks.   On Saturday before Easter,  we did things here and there in the morning.   With the he...

Last year, with a shattered, broken heart, I wrote this: A Tribute  about my special buddy, Ian.   You can read for yourself how special he was to me..... not just to me, but to his friends.   More importantly, how much more special he was to his family: his mom, his dad,  his brothers and his sisters.  He wasn't a special needs buddy, he was a special buddy whom everyone needed.    I can fill pages of a book about Ian, but even all the papers in the world would not suffice.   ( This picture was taken January 7, 2012 at my best friends' wedding. (Keren and Josh. Just looking at his and his Mother's face, you can tell that he is a fully spirited young man)   This week, I was thinking of him a lot.  I knew this week is the anniversary of his death and I was struggling with it to some degree.  (I've always struggled who close friend's death....for example, several church members, honorary grandparents ...

This past Sunday was my first Sunday back on Worship team after a long 15 month sabbatical.   It was bitter sweet.   Why do I say that?  It was scary and hard for me for one thing.   I have failed to keep up with my singing so I felt very rusty and it also felt like it was my very first time on stage...the nerves set in and seeing a gazillion eyes I felt were stuck on me....I felt I sounded horrible.  Of course, we are our own worst critic.  Those months and months away from my brothers and sisters on team tore my heart into pieces.   Every Wednesdays and Sundays I felt a part of me missing.  I missed the fellowship with them and most of all I missed getting together on those practice Wednesdays where we would all practice together, but most importantly, I missed sharing time...sharing those intimate moments of our hearts where we would pray for each other.   I often wonder what I "missed" in my brothers and sist...

I'm a blog reader, not just a blog writer.    I am single, and because of my health, most of my blog is about my health and how God uses it to help me draw closer to him. Many of my blogger friends are married and have kids.   One common theme I've come across is talking about their kids and I LOVE IT I love how the Moms out there talk about their kids and how they light of the room by their kids smiles, laughter, giggles, etc. Today,  I want to tell you, this weekend, my life, was lighten up by my own grandmothers, smiles.   Sorry for the blurry picture of my grandmother but too many family members were taking pictures of her that their flashes were messing up my Android and I soon gave up, but you get the idea in her smile.    We celebrated Chinese New Year on Feb 10th, Day 1 of the New Year.  In Chinese calendar and tradition, grandma's birthday is the 8th day of the New year.  My cousin (-in-law)   Andy su...